Phnom Penh Post, Issue 16 / 21, October 19 - November 1, 2007I believe the health of our nation hinges on the liberation of our female population. We, Khmers, cannot expect social progress and economic development to occur in a vacuum, without the empowerment of our sisters, daughters, and wives. This will require us to alter our thinking regarding what it means to be an 'ideal Khmer woman', neary kroup lak, as outlined by the Women's Code of Conduct or Chbap Srei. She need not be the deferential, submissive, homely, soft-spoken, well-mannered, long-haired, almond-eyed Asian mannequin of society.
Instead, let her breathe air after 6 PM; let her be educated; let her speak her mind; let her explore; let her skin and scrape her knees a little.
Tradition and customs protect her from vices and being misunderstood, people explain. But I believe we hold on tightly to these customs and forms, partly, to counter the rising social ills of prostitution-to prove to ourselves and others that we Khmer pride ourselves on values and decorum. This holds true for men in particular, who proclaim their commitment to these values as a way of absolving themselves of their involvement.
We may excoriate the debased foreigners who come to our country to exploit the very fragile legal, enforcement infrastructure and the young girls, but we have to face the fact that the majority of the clients in the red light districts are actually our Khmer men.
Immorality and amorality
A while back I helped with a translation of a film on prostitution in Cambodia. In an interview with a 'john', I was struck by the glibness and lackadaisical attitude of this moto-taxi driver, who visited prostitutes on a regular basis because he wanted to try how a 'fat' one differs from a 'skinny' one, or how a 'white' one differs from his wife. Moreover, he could do things to prostitutes he could not do to his wife.
Besides repulsion, I was struck by a devastating thought: he lives in a society that is slipping beyond immorality into amorality. With immorality, at least his conscience pricks him to tell him his acts are wrong. But with amorality, a person is so de-sensitized that he does not care.
Where is love amidst this cruel bond? Where is romance and intimacy amidst this vile union? How can something so beautiful be so degraded? But sadly, as is often the case, the greater the beauty the greater is the perversion.
How is it that lust has replaced love, what is permissible preferred over the best? Has he not ever experienced that exquisite union of souls where the acute swelling of heart and tightening of muscles have nothing to do with carnal knowledge but everything to do with the best of the beloved? Where the knees give way, the chest pounds, and the throat dries up when we catch glimpses of the ethereal beauty of the adored?
Legacy of UNTAC
Under its rule, the Khmer Rouge can be credited with abolishing 'the oldest profession' in our country. This condition remained so until the presence of the United Nations in 1992. The invasion of 26,000 UN blue berets-young men culled from all over the world, paid with generous UN salaries-created a demand that was quickly supplied by the poverty-stricken female population (many trucked in from Vietnam, commerce transacted by local officials) in satisfying the libidos of these men. The United Nations paid these peacekeepers several thousand dollars per month in a country on the verge of extinction whose population lived on almost nothing.
The UN peacekeepers have been long gone, but the trade of selling bodies and souls continue. In certain situations, the girls sacrifice their bodies for the survival of their family. In other cases, the parents sell their daughters as part of the human cargo and trafficking that make for common occurrences that do not even raise an eyebrow anymore.
This social ill inflicts fatal wounds on all levels of our Khmer society, and its worst twists spiral down from the highest echelons of power.
Beauty and power
Beauty is attracted to power, power to beauty. A most despicable cycle of violence has been spiraling in our present-day society whereby the first wives of prominent men hunt down much younger second wives or mistresses of their philandering husbands. Time and again, we read the same storyline, with only the names changed: vengeful wives, armed with an entourage of bodyguards, attacking the girls with skin-eating acid thrown onto faces and bodies. The intent is not to kill so much as to deform. In a culture of impunity, these perpetrators have yet to face justice.
There is no winner in this situation. Everyone is to blame; everyone is a victim; everyone is a perpetrator. The issue is not one of justification for the younger women-sometimes a refusal can turn dangerous-but of proportionality and just deserts.
And the cruelty of it all-women are pitted against women, encouraged and circumscribed by a cultural, social and economic construct where the sexual degradation of one is to preserve the twisted ideal of another!
Economics of sex
The problem raises the larger issue of how we are to live, whether we want to live in a society where "love" is purely an economic equation and is up for sale; whether we want to live in a society where our daughters and sisters can aspire to nothing greater than the wife or commodity of a wealthy man, of an Okhna, of a white man, of a minister. Have we resigned ourselves to accepting the union of a beautiful 16-year old girl with a scraggly 60-year old man as normal? Is it ageism or an issue of power and choice? If we believe love is the foundation of such a union, I don't think we would be so uneasy (or queasy!), but rather rejoice with this most fortunate of a man! Do we as a society not feel the onus and responsibility for creating more opportunities and empowering our women or are we so ready to disown the many living in sexual slavery because we are free from it? Are we not concerned for the larger implication of what it means for us as a people, as a nation?
Or can we carelessly dismiss this as fate and neatly absolve the problem with a simple classification of neary kroup lak or "good" girls versus "bad" girls. If we are to pause and deeply assess the present-day status of Khmer women, our values and actions, is this categorization even meaningful? Many times, is not the line of respectability a bit blurred and skewered and based more on economics and social status rather than morality or ethics? Does not our current society quietly admire or envy a beautifully kept woman with a man of means, but treat with contempt and discard the pretty farm girl who has been trafficked into the sex trade for pennies?
Neary kroup lak reassessed
The Chbap Srei and the concept of the neary kroup lak must be reassessed in light of the realities of current society of 2007 (and not 1907) and where our society is heading. We can pretend to exist in a society of 100 years ago and to close our eyes to the changes around us, or we can face straight on the changes-often times unsettling and seemingly uncontrollable-and try to shape them. Change is never easy, especially when our identity, honor and worth are at stake. But rather than retreat and be defensive or act like an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand refusing to believe the obvious, we can, we should, we must take control of our destiny and impact it rather than living passively to be impacted upon.
If we are at all concerned about the state of affairs, we, Khmer women, need to be empowered through education and the exercising of our Constitutional and inherent rights; our Khmer men need to be educated concerning their own dignity and worth and the value and freedom of their Khmer women. It reflects our inadequacy and self-loathing when we feel we need to demean and one-up another; we must fight against this tendency to devalue each other as Khmer.
It also reflects our imbalance when we kow-tow to anything foreign or display passive-aggressive attitudes to them when we feel slighted; we must take care not to praise disproportionately or misplace our criticism of foreigners, for no one can give us or take away our inherent values, as no one can look down on us-without our consent.
And we are consenting when we mistreat each other, particularly our own women; we are consenting when we close our eyes to the misery of the vulnerable, of the fatherless, of the elderly, of the landless, of the disabled, of the needy; we are consenting when we abuse the rights of our own people and create conditions where they are forced to beg for the most basic of necessities.
We both need to understand that in destroying the souls of our wives, daughters and sisters, we are destroying our own souls; we are consenting.
We of both sexes must be braver to withstand the social stigmas and temptations and value each other. If we are at all serious and concerned for the welfare of our society, there is no other way. We must translate lip service into active service of care, compassion and individual transformation.
Presumption against Khmer women
To be human is to desire. But there are times, when our heart's desire has to be subordinated and sacrificed for a larger good. Even as our heart is being ripped out of us, we know there are limits to our desires. Why is it that we so often do what we know we ought not to do, and so often love or desire someone whom we would be better advised to walk away from?
The problems have reached such an apex that presumptions against us Khmer women are growing. And these presumptions are impeding our progress. They shackle our mobility and freedom, for these presumptions mistakenly inform Khmer women what is and is not permissible to do or not do, to be or not be. They are nefarious because our opportunities are limited by someone's misperceptions, our choices dictated by a social construct that makes our interaction with men, particularly of power, suspect.
Consequently, we Khmers should not be too surprised when outsiders view us with weariness or disdain, or when they exploit this presumption to their advantage. By not highly valuing ourselves or each other, and by not responding appropriately when others degrade or slight us, no matter how wrong their statement or action, we reinforce these presumptions. Let others take responsibility for their own wrongs, and let each of us expend our energy reflecting on our own life, and how we can do better.
And for those of us Khmers who have acquired education, power or wealth, let me say: do not think we are free from indignities heaped on us by foreigners because of the strand(s) of diamonds around our neck, or the perfect American accent we have cultivated, or the Gucci bag we carry, or the shiny Mercedes we drive, or the foreign degree(s) we have accumulated, or through any other means by which we believe can distance us from "the masses" and poverty's ugliness-unless we want to altogether disown our Khmer identity. We are only fooling ourselves if we believe we have gained respectability through any of these things while still misusing and abusing ourselves and our women.
Long ago a non-Khmer man of immense wealth and authority responded to my refusal of his propositioning with a contemptuous "Cambodians are a dime a dozen." I wanted so badly to direct him where he should go in the same manner we Khmers might use a finger to indicate where the sky is!
In the expatriate community of humanitarian workers, diplomats, businessmen (cleverly and accurately dubbed the 'lords of poverty' by one author), the presumption against us Khmer women can unfold either in explicit arrogance or subtle sophisticated undercutting.
I have encountered personally, on countless occasions throughout the years, the mixture of the two. In one particular situation, my forcing of an issue to expose the fraud of a foreign lawyer posed too great a risk to make it to print: the expatriate community was experiencing a backlash of anti-foreigner sentiments coupled with the possibility that I was just a disgruntled employee. Also, concerns were raised about the innocent local staff whose livelihood depended on the continued existence of the institution.
Later on, it was spun that I was the scorned lover of the foreign lawyer.
Of course... what else can I, a Khmer woman, possibly be?!
It will take years to chip away at this presumption made by us toward each other and by foreigners alike. We need to return to the principle of first things. Genuine Love. For ourselves. And for each other.
Theary C. SENG
Executive Director
To read past columns, please visit www.csdcambodia.org "Voice of Justice Program".
Instead, let her breathe air after 6 PM; let her be educated; let her speak her mind; let her explore; let her skin and scrape her knees a little.
Tradition and customs protect her from vices and being misunderstood, people explain. But I believe we hold on tightly to these customs and forms, partly, to counter the rising social ills of prostitution-to prove to ourselves and others that we Khmer pride ourselves on values and decorum. This holds true for men in particular, who proclaim their commitment to these values as a way of absolving themselves of their involvement.
We may excoriate the debased foreigners who come to our country to exploit the very fragile legal, enforcement infrastructure and the young girls, but we have to face the fact that the majority of the clients in the red light districts are actually our Khmer men.
Immorality and amorality
A while back I helped with a translation of a film on prostitution in Cambodia. In an interview with a 'john', I was struck by the glibness and lackadaisical attitude of this moto-taxi driver, who visited prostitutes on a regular basis because he wanted to try how a 'fat' one differs from a 'skinny' one, or how a 'white' one differs from his wife. Moreover, he could do things to prostitutes he could not do to his wife.
Besides repulsion, I was struck by a devastating thought: he lives in a society that is slipping beyond immorality into amorality. With immorality, at least his conscience pricks him to tell him his acts are wrong. But with amorality, a person is so de-sensitized that he does not care.
Where is love amidst this cruel bond? Where is romance and intimacy amidst this vile union? How can something so beautiful be so degraded? But sadly, as is often the case, the greater the beauty the greater is the perversion.
How is it that lust has replaced love, what is permissible preferred over the best? Has he not ever experienced that exquisite union of souls where the acute swelling of heart and tightening of muscles have nothing to do with carnal knowledge but everything to do with the best of the beloved? Where the knees give way, the chest pounds, and the throat dries up when we catch glimpses of the ethereal beauty of the adored?
Legacy of UNTAC
Under its rule, the Khmer Rouge can be credited with abolishing 'the oldest profession' in our country. This condition remained so until the presence of the United Nations in 1992. The invasion of 26,000 UN blue berets-young men culled from all over the world, paid with generous UN salaries-created a demand that was quickly supplied by the poverty-stricken female population (many trucked in from Vietnam, commerce transacted by local officials) in satisfying the libidos of these men. The United Nations paid these peacekeepers several thousand dollars per month in a country on the verge of extinction whose population lived on almost nothing.
The UN peacekeepers have been long gone, but the trade of selling bodies and souls continue. In certain situations, the girls sacrifice their bodies for the survival of their family. In other cases, the parents sell their daughters as part of the human cargo and trafficking that make for common occurrences that do not even raise an eyebrow anymore.
This social ill inflicts fatal wounds on all levels of our Khmer society, and its worst twists spiral down from the highest echelons of power.
Beauty and power
Beauty is attracted to power, power to beauty. A most despicable cycle of violence has been spiraling in our present-day society whereby the first wives of prominent men hunt down much younger second wives or mistresses of their philandering husbands. Time and again, we read the same storyline, with only the names changed: vengeful wives, armed with an entourage of bodyguards, attacking the girls with skin-eating acid thrown onto faces and bodies. The intent is not to kill so much as to deform. In a culture of impunity, these perpetrators have yet to face justice.
There is no winner in this situation. Everyone is to blame; everyone is a victim; everyone is a perpetrator. The issue is not one of justification for the younger women-sometimes a refusal can turn dangerous-but of proportionality and just deserts.
And the cruelty of it all-women are pitted against women, encouraged and circumscribed by a cultural, social and economic construct where the sexual degradation of one is to preserve the twisted ideal of another!
Economics of sex
The problem raises the larger issue of how we are to live, whether we want to live in a society where "love" is purely an economic equation and is up for sale; whether we want to live in a society where our daughters and sisters can aspire to nothing greater than the wife or commodity of a wealthy man, of an Okhna, of a white man, of a minister. Have we resigned ourselves to accepting the union of a beautiful 16-year old girl with a scraggly 60-year old man as normal? Is it ageism or an issue of power and choice? If we believe love is the foundation of such a union, I don't think we would be so uneasy (or queasy!), but rather rejoice with this most fortunate of a man! Do we as a society not feel the onus and responsibility for creating more opportunities and empowering our women or are we so ready to disown the many living in sexual slavery because we are free from it? Are we not concerned for the larger implication of what it means for us as a people, as a nation?
Or can we carelessly dismiss this as fate and neatly absolve the problem with a simple classification of neary kroup lak or "good" girls versus "bad" girls. If we are to pause and deeply assess the present-day status of Khmer women, our values and actions, is this categorization even meaningful? Many times, is not the line of respectability a bit blurred and skewered and based more on economics and social status rather than morality or ethics? Does not our current society quietly admire or envy a beautifully kept woman with a man of means, but treat with contempt and discard the pretty farm girl who has been trafficked into the sex trade for pennies?
Neary kroup lak reassessed
The Chbap Srei and the concept of the neary kroup lak must be reassessed in light of the realities of current society of 2007 (and not 1907) and where our society is heading. We can pretend to exist in a society of 100 years ago and to close our eyes to the changes around us, or we can face straight on the changes-often times unsettling and seemingly uncontrollable-and try to shape them. Change is never easy, especially when our identity, honor and worth are at stake. But rather than retreat and be defensive or act like an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand refusing to believe the obvious, we can, we should, we must take control of our destiny and impact it rather than living passively to be impacted upon.
If we are at all concerned about the state of affairs, we, Khmer women, need to be empowered through education and the exercising of our Constitutional and inherent rights; our Khmer men need to be educated concerning their own dignity and worth and the value and freedom of their Khmer women. It reflects our inadequacy and self-loathing when we feel we need to demean and one-up another; we must fight against this tendency to devalue each other as Khmer.
It also reflects our imbalance when we kow-tow to anything foreign or display passive-aggressive attitudes to them when we feel slighted; we must take care not to praise disproportionately or misplace our criticism of foreigners, for no one can give us or take away our inherent values, as no one can look down on us-without our consent.
And we are consenting when we mistreat each other, particularly our own women; we are consenting when we close our eyes to the misery of the vulnerable, of the fatherless, of the elderly, of the landless, of the disabled, of the needy; we are consenting when we abuse the rights of our own people and create conditions where they are forced to beg for the most basic of necessities.
We both need to understand that in destroying the souls of our wives, daughters and sisters, we are destroying our own souls; we are consenting.
We of both sexes must be braver to withstand the social stigmas and temptations and value each other. If we are at all serious and concerned for the welfare of our society, there is no other way. We must translate lip service into active service of care, compassion and individual transformation.
Presumption against Khmer women
To be human is to desire. But there are times, when our heart's desire has to be subordinated and sacrificed for a larger good. Even as our heart is being ripped out of us, we know there are limits to our desires. Why is it that we so often do what we know we ought not to do, and so often love or desire someone whom we would be better advised to walk away from?
The problems have reached such an apex that presumptions against us Khmer women are growing. And these presumptions are impeding our progress. They shackle our mobility and freedom, for these presumptions mistakenly inform Khmer women what is and is not permissible to do or not do, to be or not be. They are nefarious because our opportunities are limited by someone's misperceptions, our choices dictated by a social construct that makes our interaction with men, particularly of power, suspect.
Consequently, we Khmers should not be too surprised when outsiders view us with weariness or disdain, or when they exploit this presumption to their advantage. By not highly valuing ourselves or each other, and by not responding appropriately when others degrade or slight us, no matter how wrong their statement or action, we reinforce these presumptions. Let others take responsibility for their own wrongs, and let each of us expend our energy reflecting on our own life, and how we can do better.
And for those of us Khmers who have acquired education, power or wealth, let me say: do not think we are free from indignities heaped on us by foreigners because of the strand(s) of diamonds around our neck, or the perfect American accent we have cultivated, or the Gucci bag we carry, or the shiny Mercedes we drive, or the foreign degree(s) we have accumulated, or through any other means by which we believe can distance us from "the masses" and poverty's ugliness-unless we want to altogether disown our Khmer identity. We are only fooling ourselves if we believe we have gained respectability through any of these things while still misusing and abusing ourselves and our women.
Long ago a non-Khmer man of immense wealth and authority responded to my refusal of his propositioning with a contemptuous "Cambodians are a dime a dozen." I wanted so badly to direct him where he should go in the same manner we Khmers might use a finger to indicate where the sky is!
In the expatriate community of humanitarian workers, diplomats, businessmen (cleverly and accurately dubbed the 'lords of poverty' by one author), the presumption against us Khmer women can unfold either in explicit arrogance or subtle sophisticated undercutting.
I have encountered personally, on countless occasions throughout the years, the mixture of the two. In one particular situation, my forcing of an issue to expose the fraud of a foreign lawyer posed too great a risk to make it to print: the expatriate community was experiencing a backlash of anti-foreigner sentiments coupled with the possibility that I was just a disgruntled employee. Also, concerns were raised about the innocent local staff whose livelihood depended on the continued existence of the institution.
Later on, it was spun that I was the scorned lover of the foreign lawyer.
Of course... what else can I, a Khmer woman, possibly be?!
It will take years to chip away at this presumption made by us toward each other and by foreigners alike. We need to return to the principle of first things. Genuine Love. For ourselves. And for each other.
Theary C. SENG
Executive Director
To read past columns, please visit www.csdcambodia.org "Voice of Justice Program".
18 comments:
She has some good points there where she talks about women's situation in prostitution and how they got looked down upon.
However, be aware that Seng Theary is brainwashed by western kind of education where women are encouraged to be indepedent. We have to be careful when implementing things in a culture where we have different values. I agree, yes, empowering women is good so that they can get out of domestic violent, but not something to liberalize them. I love Khmer women's humbleness and gentleness. Seng Theary's behavor? Rediculous. So expressive, she acts as if she is the role model of Khmer women. Who the heck will marry her? Anyway... just some thought.
Wanna get personal Anon@7:37 PM. You're one dumb arse, eh?
The Viets are going to screw khmer women silly and nobody in the world is going to care. In the next 10 years, khmer women will be more or less Viet women, if you're lucky enough to live that long to see...get it?
One more thing dumb arse @7:37PM -
Hun Sen signed a blank check to the Viet as far as Cambodia's land is concerned, and Sihanouk? - tail between his legs, Dummy; Khmer is lucky to have a woman like Theary to say/talk about something Khmer. So don't stick your prick where it doesn't belong.
Remember, as long as ah Hun Sen and his cronies are alive, Cambodia is a carte blanche to the Viet!
May be deep than rhat 8:23 even hun xen die the viet will controle our land!
King should do some thing to protect our nation or else!
i have nothing to say when it comes to politics. and i think you guys are youn-phobia. think again, now we are living in a new world, a world with information technology where everyone can get accessed to 24/7. so wake up, youn-phobias.
Why did you bother then Anon@12:43 AM? Because you're a jack arse?
With respect to this article by Theary C. Seng, it is worth noticing for its lack of substance. Her basic premise is that Cambodia society can greatly benefit from a make-over of societal altitude toward Khmer women, and a reassessment of how Khmer women should confront the current social ills ranging from the rise of prostitution to limit educational and economic opportunities, which plaque Cambodia of today.
While interesting and worth noticing, we can not help but noticing Ms. Theary's altitude toward her own sex. She paints a portrait of Khmer women as passive and helpless and as victims.
While to some degree Khmer women are still heavily influenced by the "rules for women" written in 1907, and this dependency may make a Cambodian woman appear weak, Ms. Theary portrait of Khmer women is not entirely without flawed.
It is flawed in that her premise is based on a misconception of what a Khmer woman is. How can one advocate for the liberation of Khmer women, when the caller of such an action does not have a clear understanding of the women of the society she seeks to liberate? Equally, did Ms. Theary overlook the period immediate after the Vietnamese invasion of Cambodia where there were 3 to 4 women to every able male. Cambodia was at the brink of destruction if not for those women who scraped and stretched their ways through mined rice paddies and forest to forage food for their families? Were these women passive and weak?
Hypocrite indeed. We hope Ms. Theary is a little more careful in here discourse. Women in the red light district, are but a micro frame of Cambodia population, and they should not be used to represent Khmer women of Cambodia or as indicator of Khmer women social status.
True that Khmer women must develop a strategy to confront the social ill of today. Also true, that education is an important factor and a tool which Khmer women can use to confront the current society ill.
However, these strategies must came from the Khmer women themselves within the communes, villages and from the rice paddies, which they drew food for their families.
They need not came from those who are well fed, sitting in their ivory towers and throwing stone at those who are less fortunate.
True enough, Cambodia is not a heaven nor is it a hell. There are countless problems and issue, but it does not help when those who profess to help Khmer from society's illness are being prejudice...toward the very people they seek to help.
Again, while Ms. Theary's discourse is very interesting, it lack any substance. She does not offer us anything new, except to reaffirm the misconception of Khmer Women as weak and passive.
As such we are curious about Ms. Theary's direction. When this article was written, was she paying a lip service to concept she acquire oversea or was it written because she truly wishing to empower Khmer women. Equally, if empowering Khmer women was her intention, why the heck does she need to slap her own sex silly through her arrogant?
Dear Theary
Life evolts and revolts continuously with life supporting system, the environment.Life can take to different shape and form non discriminately.So does the culture,it continues to changes for so many reasons whether due to natural causes(natural laws such as laws of physics,chemistry, biology, electricity and so for which co- exist with natural elements of life ie earth,water,heat,air to help life's existances.Social resources are always flexible, connect to one another,share one another in form of partnership.
Partnership also starts from within oneself,working closely with our physical,emotional, psychological,ego,intellectual... whatever you name it in order to cement ourself as human being.
Partnership continues to grow,it is the laws of mathemathic of grouping,factorising,multiplying,adding on... non stop process.These laws apply everywhere regardless of origins.From self it adds on.we ,human forms partnership with opposite to SHARE and pro create.As a matter of fact we share our properties from physical to intellectual for the sake of agreement to grow and prosper.
Talking about agreement where either verbal,legal(bound by written paper),exchanges take shape.Then society is formed and changed,and continue to change relatively respond to its environment,perceptions,values particularly relative to its guidance of intellects.
Sorry to say that love is not for sale.Body can be sold for whatever reason might be depends on the constraints individual faces,in order to challenge life.Those can be range; economical,social abuse,self abuse due to lack of understanding,search to understand and learnt small corner of life... from negative to positive aspect in life.Love generates of indiviual and share of a whole being for what they possess , for their ongoing satisfaction and happiness.
Neary kroup leak is not to form for any perception but harmony and happiness one can be contented with, relative a way of life social values upheld.And it can always change on its own course.
Buddhism is believed to be main influence in cambodian society.
Buddha teaches about principle of analysis.The CAUSE and ITS AFFECTS.It is a scientific concept for us for better understanding. Gratitude emphasises every contexts of buddhism.Gratitude of being shared with knowledges from all walks of life, from parents, teachers,friends.Knowledges or BOTHI is accquired by knowing oursef and others.Preventing our self from intruding others by SILAS.Focus on practice of silas resembles to applying ourself to respect Human rights.Awareness is the key to unlock misunsderstanding
with an open mind,which means allowing ourself to learn.
Conform to any collective perception is individual as long as no damage is done (WITH RESPECT AND HARM MINIMISATION).
You are a smart and well educated girl with potential to change and change for the better with our existance.
Praise for your good work .
We need more khmer with intellectaul wealth but not just physical wealth.
Neang SA
WOW! The best enligtened article I've read on this topic!
Well done Ms. Seng. We hope that the men will take notice that we women are the true fabric of our society.
Keep writing and keep enligten us. Look forward to your next article!
Thank you Theary for a well thought out, eloquent piece. You called hypocrisy where there is hypocrisy - and where does it lies ? right down in the fabric of Khmer society. When i was working in Phnom Penh just after UNTAC left, i was struck by the frequent tales of family violence those smiling and courteous men in authority were hiding. Chbap Srey taught Khmer maids chastity, industry, servitude etc.. you name it, you're expected to do & be it. i can't recall chastity being required of young males in Chbap Bros or Chbap Ker Kal (if i recall correctly those long hours of recitation in primary school days - but do correct me if i'm wrong). I for once am pessimistic that social change can begin from an appeal to idealism - "genuine love" as you put it. Or even from education. Have you noticed on Khmer pagoda walls how the names of benefactors are painted or sculpted in bold for all to see? The minute a man thinks he can buy spiritual merit and redeem himself for the next life with US dollars that person does not need to show genuine love for his wife. And he'll probably rob state assets blind too..
Theary's concerns are nothing new. As 7:58AM put, "was she paying a lip service to concept she acquire oversea or was it written because she truly wishing to empower Khmer women?" This is absolutely true!
Theary, you are sitting in an aircon office, and trying to predict and observe what happens out there. For this article to be useful, you should use real examples, things that you have done with Khmer women, and show us how it works. What you said was like reciting from what you have learnt from America. And you are too young to understand Khmer culture.
You said,", we, Khmer women, need to be empowered through education." This is again, you are reciting. But how'd you do? Yes we want Khmer women to have adequate edu. Oh yeah absolutely! Go, get off from your ivory tower maam, and do it.
So be careful next time when you throw out articles. Dont make people read them with a waste of their time.
To 1:11PM,
She has been doing it. She has packed her back and returned to her homeland. You can watch her story here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCuFSsK003w
It is very admirable that Ms. Theary has returned to Cambodia and proceed to document her experience in Cambodia, yet we remain doubtful in regard to her understanding of Khmer women, especially having sampled a little of her discourse.
Our point of contention in regard to Ms. Theary writing rests on her perception of Khmer Women. When one reads her article one is giving the impression that Khmer women are but a bunch of cry babies and that the men of the society are the abusers, bullies and the users who are lacking in "Mono sig jad ta na"
Such a premise is not usable to advance a discussion on Khmer women. To be useful, we recommend that Ms. Theary reassess her position by first acknowledging that 1).Khmer women are not as weak as she perceives, 2). Stop taking a frame out of Cambodia illness and apply it to Cambodia society as a whole, 3). Check her personal prejudice toward the Khmer women,and review her sense of who she is, and finally Consolidate the various anthropological studies of the Khmer family structures from as far back as possible and put everything into perspective by tying them to her personal experience as a Khmer woman in modern day Cambodia as well as taking the geopolitics of the region into consideration.
Please speak to us as a Khmer woman in the language we understand and not as someone who thinks she is superior to us. Through out our history, people have always told us Khmer people that we are no good...
The Siam, and the Viet tell our ancestors that we were barbarians, yet their societies copies our cultures and the landscapes of their countries are dotted with Khmer ancient temples and buildings. The France said our ancestors were lazy, yet they profit from our pain by taxed our people to death. Now, we have people like Ms. Theary armed with education, but instead of viewing our people with compassionate heart, she behaved like the colonizers and thefts who stole our land. She abused our senses of identity by telling us we are no good... What is her motive...what does she want to take away from us?
Let us make it clear here, we are not against liberation of Khmer women, but what does "...let her breath air after 6 P.M..." and "...let her knee scrape a little..." has anything to do with being a Khmer woman. Who prevent Khmer women from breathing or scrape their knees?
Did many of them not scrape their knees to the bone during the Khmer Rouge period, the period immediately after the Vietnamese invasion of Cambodia and the great exodus to foreign countries. Were it not true that the majority of Cambodian families who were refugees in America were lead by 85% women. The same % were also leading their families in Cambodia?
The Khmer women specie are something that I will never fully understand because they are more intelligence than Khmer men and if these Khmer women given the same opportunities and the Khmer women would exceed and excel of those Khmer men! If this is the case and how come I don't see many Khmer women in higher position? One has to understand that Cambodian culture is a man dominated society and Khmer men think that they owned Khmer women and these Khmer women are nothing more than their personal property not as human!
I had notice a trend that most oversea Khmer women wouldn't marry a Khmer man because they tend to chose a man who has higher than them in term of income, level of education, and status.
Here is another strange thing I notice about Khmer culture perception of "Khmer beautiful women". I mean I have family members, friends, and relatives warn me to watch out for those Khmer women who are considered beautiful or very beautiful because these beautiful women are associated with something that is problematic, unfaithful or devious and perverted! I just never understand why? For me to deprive myself of the beautiful women and force myself to fall in love with average or ugly looking women is something that I will never understand!
I agree in some parts with Ms. Theary C. SENG and for me I can sum it all up by one of her paragraph!
"Where is love amidst this cruel bond? Where is romance and intimacy amidst this vile union? How can something so beautiful be so degraded? But sadly, as is often the case, the greater the beauty the greater is the perversion."
Does any body know what degree Ms. Theary C. Seng has? and What field?
Thanks,
she has a JD. Very accomplished Khmer Woman indeed.
A worth reading article!
Her comment on UN peacekeepers is quite true. With several thousand dollars per month in such a country, they lived like a king. Most of them had girlfriends, mistresses, and prostitutes. They did contribute to originating and spreading HIV back in 1992-93. Horny bastards! Shame on them for taking advantages of the poverty-stricken women. It is a chance which was given to them (foreigner men) in such a chaotic society. Tell me, what's a difference from Khmer men who have been raised in such amoral society and who are viewed as immoral or amoral men? and yet, they're better and more moral than Khmer men.
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