By Kok Sap
Memory Posted Online
With my new job under the head carpenter in his early 60's, along Kilo 3 and 5 of Khmer western frontier, the construction 30 male crew work day started soon after we could see lines on our palm. He was a semi illiterate master house builder in previous regime. So he was picked because of his birth place was somewhere in Kompong Speu, the Ta Mok regional division territory. Obviously they did not trust people from other regions. The absolute commanding cadres had used the criteria to select all the helps during their tenure in north western region.
For that reason, the head carpenter had never been courteous and friendly to most of us. For my instinct, I had never trusted his brownie point in casual conversation. One thing I knew for sure he was always wary that I would not submissively say much to him or leave my sharpened ax out of site (sight?). It was my father favorite tool that he gave it to me for work before Ta Mok 1977 final shake down. The cadre selected me to joint the carpenter crew because I already possessed a needed tool.
Few days ago, the construction crew head of non DK link had just been awarded a brand new Chinese made radio to keep the crew posted of events in nation. This considered enormous privilege to share radio wavelength with cadres. For some reasons, after midnight on that day he had turned the radio on there was a revolutionary red blood national anthem and successive pronouncements of caution that Angka would not abandon policy of revolutionary self reliance in opposing enemy from the east. At first the man thought it was 530am broadcasting but checked with his watch it surprised him as well.
The announcer went on, to call on the determined and self sacrificed people armed forces to rise and defend the nation `til last drop of bright red blood. We all were surprised and wondered how strange. Reluctantly, the announcer let out the stirring news that the enemy meant for Viet Nam had crossed Mekong and Tonlesap lines and approached Phnom Penh that was no longer the seat of Democratic Kampuchea regime. The new administrative and government seat would
now be securely located in Siem Reap region. The announcer stressed that all citizens needed to mobilize toward western and northern frontier.
For me now the puzzling cues became clear it was no longer rumor from what I had learnt from my parents during my last visit with them 10 days ago. It was a new war with Viet Nam. My heart was aching as I thought how the war monger Viet Nam returned once again after the Democratic Kampuchea had robbed, killed and deprived people, and children mouths and stomachs to repay them for the last three years.
Today the head carpenter was called to urgent meeting by a mail porter on bike around 5:30am.Before leaving for his meeting, he specifically instructed the cook with my help to make rice soup and dried salty fish for all of us. He also said do what we needed to finish work from day before, and we all could rest up. I was in deep trance as I never expected to hear such a nice gesture from the grumpy man since my day one under his watch.
Some of my peers took advantage of the opportunity to swim and catch fishes trapped in tree trunks in the nearby newly erected reservoir of almost 3km width and between 5 to 8km deep. But presently I was told it was no longer there since PRK took control the entire country. The Viets had blasted it down for its strategic defense line along with K-5 bamboo wall to deter resistance from sneaking up on their defense posts.
What a remarkable day for us to enjoy ourselves early morning after work quickly done. I stood on top of the reservoir wall and surveyed the daily scene of hundreds of young woman in line harvesting rice below the dam. But something was missing today. I said to a peer what happened and where were they? Most days we could hear the sweet voice of young unknown female singer rendered away the rhythm of the revolutionary songs while working hard all day. In the sound of voice we could hear the unutterable laments of isolation and pain of being away from homes. That routine kept our crew entertained in deep chagrins sometimes while we banged away the rusting nails on used lumbers from bazaar Au Chrao (O' Chrov) dismantled houses. Especially, we missed seeing those young women played or teased each other in the water during their lunch break. They pretended to be humble and happy.
The head man told us our camp was used to be the young women labor battalion station and we were forbidden to pick or molest the plants. Also he cautioned us some times they would drop by to check on their plants and fruits. There were times we had seen a light complexion and pretty looking but sadly woman about nearly five feet tall named Cadre Ry stopped by and picked papaya fruits or yucca roots and sweet potatoes. We were not permitted to say or look at her. She was married to a lesser than five feet tall known womanizer Brigade Commander named Pheap who also overseeing the civilian labor forces. Before his arrest on adultery, t his cadre loved to sport himself with a brand new 125 cc Honda, a brand new pistol and a fold modern AK 47 along the reservoir dam daily. My peers and I used to nickname him as a miniature peacock on imperialist toys.
At 10:00am, the head carpenter returned with plenty of pork, a few hens, potatoes, tobacco and heavenly white granulated sugar from Thailand loaded up on his tall black Chinese made bike. He seemed worry and quieter than usual. He said we could rest and cook ourselves a feast with Angka generous ration. He handed out each smoker a revolutionary brand white pack of cigarettes freshly made by Angka, he bragged. Then he looked at me, here you too even though you were not a smoker but this was your earning. I was almost fell out of my seat to hear first time an economic term earning. He said wait guys, there was more. I was anticipatory to see what's next. It's been years that we never seen fragrant soap "Parrot" from Thailand and now Angka provided us because we were the determined crew to accomplish Angka secretive plan. Here you each got a set of clothes and a scarf made by revolutionary laborers in Phnom Penh.
I pondered what secret. It was too much for one day, something strange happening here. After a brief meeting with clear instruction, if anything happened at all we must gather belongings and proceed toward Thailand where Angka awaited our arrival. I told a fellow from my birth town, we better watched our back and daren't go to sleep tonight. The head man told us that Angka instructed him to check on his wife and children in the nearby second line cooperative. He gathered everything and his radio, off he went without having boboa domlaung with us. He lied to us; he would be back by sun down. But there was something somber in his eyes as he stared at us as his last words, take care each other guys.
At 12:00pm, there was an advance team of young women, used to station at our work camp, in new clothes and bright blue scarves came by to collect fruits and edible roots. One of the young women was the younger sister of my home town fellow had confided her brother that her battalion had been assigned to new location near Malai (formally Sgt. Mak Hoeun Barrack) with new assignment including bearing arms. She also told him that all work forces were in meeting since 6:00am to receive new directives with full feast and rewards of clothing. She bid good bye to him. He was so sad and felt as he would never see his sister again.
Sure enough as soon as the young women team left our camp, there was a long line of women in black pajamas trekking solemnly behind one another with backpacks or sacs on top of their heads. There was Cadre Rey in nice clothes beaming with flirtatious smile and a shining US Carbine on her right shoulder and a clean bike beside her troops. I and few friends were still in the water waiting for them to pass. Suddenly Cadre Rey yelled at us, comrades Bawng Bawng were not coming? Without direction or man in charge in place, we responded we did not know when! Then battalion after battalions of male pursued the female in same direction. My inner feeling was rushing and uncertain. It felt as I was spectator of the festival or some sort that was gone on.
We all were gaily and restful on that day. There was plenty to eat and there was no one to spy on us. We felt so close as a team and would stand up for one another. Then the nightfall arrived no shadow of the head carpenter. We all agreed to pair up for each one hour and half watch into the night for our safety. Meanwhile all did not sleep since we agreed to give ourselves another treat before midnight with some fishes that our peers caught from reservoir. We had heard the running trucks and endless engines sound all night toward Au Chrao. Once in a while, we thought to ourselves hope not the T-54 engines sound.
We were in the isolated world of no news but strangely connected with each other. Some would smoke their brand new cigarettes, some would chat away and some would reminisce the new day on the horizon. Each sentiment was heightened up with the unexpected unknown. I and my hometown fellow were sharing thought if we had to part tomorrow. My gut feeling was so confused as I had to leave the land and family behind or what? But I told my hometown fellow, I would never stay another day for Ta Mok regime to have a chance to finish off me or my family. Inside I was torn apart that I did not know where my parents or relatives were at as the Viet invading forces approaching the last frontier. That was the longest darkest night ever.
For that reason, the head carpenter had never been courteous and friendly to most of us. For my instinct, I had never trusted his brownie point in casual conversation. One thing I knew for sure he was always wary that I would not submissively say much to him or leave my sharpened ax out of site (sight?). It was my father favorite tool that he gave it to me for work before Ta Mok 1977 final shake down. The cadre selected me to joint the carpenter crew because I already possessed a needed tool.
Few days ago, the construction crew head of non DK link had just been awarded a brand new Chinese made radio to keep the crew posted of events in nation. This considered enormous privilege to share radio wavelength with cadres. For some reasons, after midnight on that day he had turned the radio on there was a revolutionary red blood national anthem and successive pronouncements of caution that Angka would not abandon policy of revolutionary self reliance in opposing enemy from the east. At first the man thought it was 530am broadcasting but checked with his watch it surprised him as well.
The announcer went on, to call on the determined and self sacrificed people armed forces to rise and defend the nation `til last drop of bright red blood. We all were surprised and wondered how strange. Reluctantly, the announcer let out the stirring news that the enemy meant for Viet Nam had crossed Mekong and Tonlesap lines and approached Phnom Penh that was no longer the seat of Democratic Kampuchea regime. The new administrative and government seat would
now be securely located in Siem Reap region. The announcer stressed that all citizens needed to mobilize toward western and northern frontier.
For me now the puzzling cues became clear it was no longer rumor from what I had learnt from my parents during my last visit with them 10 days ago. It was a new war with Viet Nam. My heart was aching as I thought how the war monger Viet Nam returned once again after the Democratic Kampuchea had robbed, killed and deprived people, and children mouths and stomachs to repay them for the last three years.
Today the head carpenter was called to urgent meeting by a mail porter on bike around 5:30am.Before leaving for his meeting, he specifically instructed the cook with my help to make rice soup and dried salty fish for all of us. He also said do what we needed to finish work from day before, and we all could rest up. I was in deep trance as I never expected to hear such a nice gesture from the grumpy man since my day one under his watch.
Some of my peers took advantage of the opportunity to swim and catch fishes trapped in tree trunks in the nearby newly erected reservoir of almost 3km width and between 5 to 8km deep. But presently I was told it was no longer there since PRK took control the entire country. The Viets had blasted it down for its strategic defense line along with K-5 bamboo wall to deter resistance from sneaking up on their defense posts.
What a remarkable day for us to enjoy ourselves early morning after work quickly done. I stood on top of the reservoir wall and surveyed the daily scene of hundreds of young woman in line harvesting rice below the dam. But something was missing today. I said to a peer what happened and where were they? Most days we could hear the sweet voice of young unknown female singer rendered away the rhythm of the revolutionary songs while working hard all day. In the sound of voice we could hear the unutterable laments of isolation and pain of being away from homes. That routine kept our crew entertained in deep chagrins sometimes while we banged away the rusting nails on used lumbers from bazaar Au Chrao (O' Chrov) dismantled houses. Especially, we missed seeing those young women played or teased each other in the water during their lunch break. They pretended to be humble and happy.
The head man told us our camp was used to be the young women labor battalion station and we were forbidden to pick or molest the plants. Also he cautioned us some times they would drop by to check on their plants and fruits. There were times we had seen a light complexion and pretty looking but sadly woman about nearly five feet tall named Cadre Ry stopped by and picked papaya fruits or yucca roots and sweet potatoes. We were not permitted to say or look at her. She was married to a lesser than five feet tall known womanizer Brigade Commander named Pheap who also overseeing the civilian labor forces. Before his arrest on adultery, t his cadre loved to sport himself with a brand new 125 cc Honda, a brand new pistol and a fold modern AK 47 along the reservoir dam daily. My peers and I used to nickname him as a miniature peacock on imperialist toys.
At 10:00am, the head carpenter returned with plenty of pork, a few hens, potatoes, tobacco and heavenly white granulated sugar from Thailand loaded up on his tall black Chinese made bike. He seemed worry and quieter than usual. He said we could rest and cook ourselves a feast with Angka generous ration. He handed out each smoker a revolutionary brand white pack of cigarettes freshly made by Angka, he bragged. Then he looked at me, here you too even though you were not a smoker but this was your earning. I was almost fell out of my seat to hear first time an economic term earning. He said wait guys, there was more. I was anticipatory to see what's next. It's been years that we never seen fragrant soap "Parrot" from Thailand and now Angka provided us because we were the determined crew to accomplish Angka secretive plan. Here you each got a set of clothes and a scarf made by revolutionary laborers in Phnom Penh.
I pondered what secret. It was too much for one day, something strange happening here. After a brief meeting with clear instruction, if anything happened at all we must gather belongings and proceed toward Thailand where Angka awaited our arrival. I told a fellow from my birth town, we better watched our back and daren't go to sleep tonight. The head man told us that Angka instructed him to check on his wife and children in the nearby second line cooperative. He gathered everything and his radio, off he went without having boboa domlaung with us. He lied to us; he would be back by sun down. But there was something somber in his eyes as he stared at us as his last words, take care each other guys.
At 12:00pm, there was an advance team of young women, used to station at our work camp, in new clothes and bright blue scarves came by to collect fruits and edible roots. One of the young women was the younger sister of my home town fellow had confided her brother that her battalion had been assigned to new location near Malai (formally Sgt. Mak Hoeun Barrack) with new assignment including bearing arms. She also told him that all work forces were in meeting since 6:00am to receive new directives with full feast and rewards of clothing. She bid good bye to him. He was so sad and felt as he would never see his sister again.
Sure enough as soon as the young women team left our camp, there was a long line of women in black pajamas trekking solemnly behind one another with backpacks or sacs on top of their heads. There was Cadre Rey in nice clothes beaming with flirtatious smile and a shining US Carbine on her right shoulder and a clean bike beside her troops. I and few friends were still in the water waiting for them to pass. Suddenly Cadre Rey yelled at us, comrades Bawng Bawng were not coming? Without direction or man in charge in place, we responded we did not know when! Then battalion after battalions of male pursued the female in same direction. My inner feeling was rushing and uncertain. It felt as I was spectator of the festival or some sort that was gone on.
We all were gaily and restful on that day. There was plenty to eat and there was no one to spy on us. We felt so close as a team and would stand up for one another. Then the nightfall arrived no shadow of the head carpenter. We all agreed to pair up for each one hour and half watch into the night for our safety. Meanwhile all did not sleep since we agreed to give ourselves another treat before midnight with some fishes that our peers caught from reservoir. We had heard the running trucks and endless engines sound all night toward Au Chrao. Once in a while, we thought to ourselves hope not the T-54 engines sound.
We were in the isolated world of no news but strangely connected with each other. Some would smoke their brand new cigarettes, some would chat away and some would reminisce the new day on the horizon. Each sentiment was heightened up with the unexpected unknown. I and my hometown fellow were sharing thought if we had to part tomorrow. My gut feeling was so confused as I had to leave the land and family behind or what? But I told my hometown fellow, I would never stay another day for Ta Mok regime to have a chance to finish off me or my family. Inside I was torn apart that I did not know where my parents or relatives were at as the Viet invading forces approaching the last frontier. That was the longest darkest night ever.
3 comments:
O Brave Soldier of my country....To hear your story is pain within my heart. Your suffering, your agony, your anguish and thoughts of your family, all for the country that dare to betray you.
O Brave Hero
Live for a better tommorrow
Thank you for writing this memory on line Kok Sap. You story made me think of my own unforgettable night during Ta Mok Regime. Here it is:
That night, I sat along with a few member of my relatives at the front porch of our tiny wooden home giving by "Angkar" and that night, the moon was bright. Its clear reflection over the pond and those lilies'petals would LIVE TRU MY MEMORY FOREVER AND BE AS MY SAVIOR AND NO, THAT NIGHT WAS NOT A ROMANTIC NIGHT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT,BUT AN EXHAUTING AND HUNGR NIGHT THAT I WILL NEVR FORGET.
I was hungry and starving. My relatives,i was certain feeling the same way. We were hungry for both food and freedom. That NIGHT would never be fulfilled. This middle of nowhere place and everywhere, there were secret Ta Mok's polices. IF we were to try and do something to satify ourself at that movement, death would be sure to follow and like many people before us they had gone thru this night of hunger and would disappeare forever without a trace.....How sad.
That night, my imagination was in France. The country of my dream when I will finish my final class in Cambodia or Cambodia's High school ( class of terminal? ). I was in my early teenager year at that night and I remembered that my parents once had promised me that if I would do good in school, I would be able to obtain a scholaship from the government and they themself would help sending me to France to join with my other cousins that were already there studying at the French's University. That promise they made to me would echo tru my soul during that evening and made me long for a day before the country fall into The KR or Ta MOk Regime in April of 1975. The day that I would finish my high school with an outstanding grade and my parents would board me on the plane to France.
That night, IF I HAD WINGS I WOULD FLY TO FRANCE WHERE EVERYTHING IS. I would love to be in France instantly and to change my life forever!
On July 14th of 1979, my plane landed at....where? Paris France. where agian? I asked myself. Paris France? yes! This is Paris France!
HOW UNBELIEVABLE!
Me and my immediate family were giving a permission to check into The Hotel Sofitel( SPELLING?) Wow! A bathroom with white porcelain tub, water closet( commode ), sink and a faucet with runing hot and cold water? and those pluffy bath towels and fine fragent soaps and shampoo? I was such a monkey. No wait! There was more. It was a bedroom with fur blanket? I didn't think that a month of July in France would still be so cool, especially in the evening. I looked around and saw a comfortable sitting area with magificent view of France country and beautiful grass and garden below. I felt trill and just plain unbeliebable and a television set playing the day of France's Bastille Day? or France independence's day? No way! How different! and how marvelous it was! and those delicious food and fine dinning at their fine restaurant? I just didn't believe it. I told my self that I must be dreaming, you are dreaming kid, BUT I WAS NOT. I was actually there and i was living the reality of someone else's place and country. That country was so diffrent from my own and yet, so attractive so peaceful and so comfortable. There i was " WOW AGIAN WITH DISBELEIF!"
The next day, my plane landed at Chicago Ill. in The United States. Looking out of the window of a Taxi that would drive me to my future apartment and home, I thought to my self that i'm no longer in danger. The great danger that was once treatening to take my life away in Cambodia and once was so determined to extinct my soul of happiness. This great big new country is now my home my future and my dream is actually coming true! How nice and how wonderful!
Today, if I'm sad or unhappy or ill, I would think about the night of the moon and its reflection over the pond and over those lillies' petals front of my porch. I fell better. I shall feel happy and be thankful of what i have. My my family , my friends, my employment and most of all my freedom to write and do thing that i want to do to make my life more meangful. Wherever I am and no matter what situation that i am in. I shall always tell myself that i'm strong and capable of be anything that i want to be. I AM ALIVE AND I AM FREE!!! I SHALL BE ABLE TO BRUSH MYSELF UP, GET MYSELF UP AND GET GOING!!!! AND I HOPE THAT YOU TOO WHOmEVER READING MY STORY IS BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME. WE SHALL BE A BLE LOOK AT LIFE AT A VERY DIFFERENT PERPECTIVE AND DO DIFFERNT THING.
" LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND TOO PRESCIOUS TO WASTE"
" PLEASE THINK OF THE MOON AND ITS CLEAR REFLECTION OVER THE POND AND OVER THOSE LILLIES' PETALS AND THOSE MANY SHINY MOONY NIGHTS OVER FRANCE AND AMERICA THAT WE WERE ONCE LIVE ONLY TROUGHT DREAMING AND WHY THEY ARE SO DIFFERNT FROM US? AND WHY THEY ARE SO HAPPY SO FREE AND SO MANY INTERSTING SHINNING MOON RELECTIONS? OR WHY NOT THE SAME AS OUR MOON AT HOME OVER CAMBODIA?
I like to dedicate this writing to all who would share love and happiness of BEING LIVING FREELY, ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA AND BE ABLE TO SPREAD THIS MESSAGE SHARE HAPPINESS AND DISCOVER MANY WONDERFUL THINGS IN LIFE. WE SHALL BE ABLE TO ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST UNTIL WE SAY "GOOD BYE TO THIS LIFE ON THIS EARTH!"
Ordianry khmers
We shall be able to enjoy it to the fullest until the day we say " GOOD BYE TO THIS LIFE ON THIS EARTH!" AND OUR NEXT LIFE WE SHALL BE AT THE HEAVNELY PLACE GIVING BY OUR MIGHTY GOD THRU OUR FINE - REDEEMING SOUL!
Ordinary Khmers
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