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Excerpt from Violence Against Women in Cambodia 2006
Licadho
My name is Srey Mom, I am 42 years old and my husband beats me. This is my story.
I married my husband Sokly, when I was 19 years old. I was very happy on our wedding day as I imagined my new life with Sokly and the children we would have.
After a year or so, I became pregnant and gave birth to our first child. I was very happy however Sokly decided that he needed to earn more money to raise our child so he went to work in a different province. I’m not sure what kind of work he was doing but he only sent a little money every few months, if we were lucky. My parents and family had to help support my child and I. After a year, Sokly came back home and did not work at all. I had to wash people’s clothes to be able to buy food for us to eat. It was very difficult work.
Abandonment
I gave birth to our second child and this time Sokly left me again -– this time not to work, but to live with his mistress in another province. I was very upset and very sad, I did not know why Sokly would do this to me and I wanted him to come home. My parents advised me that he was still my husband, that I was lucky because I was married and I had two children and that I should not make any problems with Sokly or get angry with him. I was glad that I had listened to my parent’s advice because after four years - Sokly came home. I was so surprised and happy and this time I was determined to be a good wife and to make a good home for Sokly and our two children.
I gave birth to our third child but just like the last time, Sokly left me again to live with his mistress. When he eventually came back, I guessed he had run out of money. By this time I had regular work washing people’s clothes – enough to feed the children and myself but not enough to send the eldest children to school. I was very sad about this.
Physical Violence
I think I changed a bit after Sokly left me for the second time. I grew angry and was not so happy when he came back and I was not willing to forgive him for leaving his family for his mistress. However I was scared that he would leave us again and that I would again have to explain to our children, why their father kept abandoning them. My parents still kept telling me to be happy and that I should not make any problems with Sokly or get angry with him. They said he was the father of our three children and more importantly, he was my husband and that I needed to respect him. But I was angry and I did not want to listen to any more advice. One day I came into the house after washing many clothes. I was very tired and hungry. Sokly was there and he was drunk. I became very angry at him for being drunk, for abandoning, for not working and most of all for using the money I earned to feed our children, to spend on drinking wine! I started yelling at him. Sokly also became very angry and he picked up a bamboo stick and started to beat me. I tried to run away, but I couldn’t. I suffered injuries on my right leg. When people asked me why my leg was bleeding, I lied and said I had fallen down because I was careless. Only my children knew the truth.
After that time, I was scared of Sokly but I decided to try and be a better wife. I decided that it was my fault that he was getting drunk and not working so I put a lot of energy into making Sokly happy. For a time this worked and I became pregnant with our fourth child.
Attempted murder
Then our lives became a living nightmare. Sokly became drunk every day and would argue with me. He would tell me that I was worthless, that I was a bad mother and a bad wife who could not satisfy him and that was why he had to keep leaving me for his mistress. I became more and more scared but I could not tell anyone what was happening. For the sake of my children I kept quiet. One day he got very drunk and I knew he was going to beat me again. He picked up a knife and tried to stab me with it. Our children were screaming and crying, begging him not to hurt me. I kept trying to escape from him. Then to my horror, he picked up an axe and tried to chop me with it. I think because he was drunk his aim was not so good and he kept missing me and I was able to escape with our children. We ran to my parents’ house and I begged them to let us stay with them and to let me divorce Sokly. I told them about his increasing violence and how I was scared he would kill me. My parents let us stay with them for one night but in the morning my parents told me they expected me to return to Sokly and to continue our marriage. They made it very clear that I was not allowed to tell anyone about Sokly’s violence. So we went home.
I became pregnant with our fifth and last child. All through the pregnancy I was very scared, I tried not to be alone with Sokly because I was very worried that he would try to hurt me whilst I was pregnant. Two weeks after I gave birth to the last child, I was inside the house sleeping with the baby. The children were outside somewhere and I was trying to get some rest. I woke up suddenly and smelled smoke. I thought maybe someone was cooking. I picked up the baby and went to the door and started screaming – smoke was everywhere and the house was on fire! I ran outside the house and then I saw that Sokly was outside, looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I learned later, after neighbors had helped us put out the fire – that Sokly had set fire to the house himself – knowing that I was inside it with our baby. I think that he wanted to kill me.
Seeking help
Sokly began to beat me more after the house fire incident, for not cooking his chicken properly, for making mistakes when calculating money for his expenses, for many mistakes he said I made. And the worst thing of all – he started to beat all the children. I think that I could have stayed with him and kept quiet if he was only hurting me, but I could not let him hurt my children. One day he beat our 18 year old daughter very badly – for no reason at all. She was injured and I decided that it was enough! That Sokly should not be allowed to hurt my children or me. I took my daughter and we went to an NGO to tell someone what Sokly had been doing to us.
I had never before reported his violence to any local authorities, after all the times he beat me or the times he tried to kill me. The only people I had ever told were my parents. But on that day I decided that it was time for Sokly to stop hurting us all. It was time for me to be strong for my children and to let Sokly know that what he was doing, what he had been doing for over ten years – was wrong.
I want to divorce Sokly. I don’t want to bring up my children with him, I don’t want to live with him in fear, wondering every day – will he try and beat me today? Or worse – will he try and kill me?
I married my husband Sokly, when I was 19 years old. I was very happy on our wedding day as I imagined my new life with Sokly and the children we would have.
After a year or so, I became pregnant and gave birth to our first child. I was very happy however Sokly decided that he needed to earn more money to raise our child so he went to work in a different province. I’m not sure what kind of work he was doing but he only sent a little money every few months, if we were lucky. My parents and family had to help support my child and I. After a year, Sokly came back home and did not work at all. I had to wash people’s clothes to be able to buy food for us to eat. It was very difficult work.
Abandonment
I gave birth to our second child and this time Sokly left me again -– this time not to work, but to live with his mistress in another province. I was very upset and very sad, I did not know why Sokly would do this to me and I wanted him to come home. My parents advised me that he was still my husband, that I was lucky because I was married and I had two children and that I should not make any problems with Sokly or get angry with him. I was glad that I had listened to my parent’s advice because after four years - Sokly came home. I was so surprised and happy and this time I was determined to be a good wife and to make a good home for Sokly and our two children.
I gave birth to our third child but just like the last time, Sokly left me again to live with his mistress. When he eventually came back, I guessed he had run out of money. By this time I had regular work washing people’s clothes – enough to feed the children and myself but not enough to send the eldest children to school. I was very sad about this.
Physical Violence
I think I changed a bit after Sokly left me for the second time. I grew angry and was not so happy when he came back and I was not willing to forgive him for leaving his family for his mistress. However I was scared that he would leave us again and that I would again have to explain to our children, why their father kept abandoning them. My parents still kept telling me to be happy and that I should not make any problems with Sokly or get angry with him. They said he was the father of our three children and more importantly, he was my husband and that I needed to respect him. But I was angry and I did not want to listen to any more advice. One day I came into the house after washing many clothes. I was very tired and hungry. Sokly was there and he was drunk. I became very angry at him for being drunk, for abandoning, for not working and most of all for using the money I earned to feed our children, to spend on drinking wine! I started yelling at him. Sokly also became very angry and he picked up a bamboo stick and started to beat me. I tried to run away, but I couldn’t. I suffered injuries on my right leg. When people asked me why my leg was bleeding, I lied and said I had fallen down because I was careless. Only my children knew the truth.
After that time, I was scared of Sokly but I decided to try and be a better wife. I decided that it was my fault that he was getting drunk and not working so I put a lot of energy into making Sokly happy. For a time this worked and I became pregnant with our fourth child.
Attempted murder
Then our lives became a living nightmare. Sokly became drunk every day and would argue with me. He would tell me that I was worthless, that I was a bad mother and a bad wife who could not satisfy him and that was why he had to keep leaving me for his mistress. I became more and more scared but I could not tell anyone what was happening. For the sake of my children I kept quiet. One day he got very drunk and I knew he was going to beat me again. He picked up a knife and tried to stab me with it. Our children were screaming and crying, begging him not to hurt me. I kept trying to escape from him. Then to my horror, he picked up an axe and tried to chop me with it. I think because he was drunk his aim was not so good and he kept missing me and I was able to escape with our children. We ran to my parents’ house and I begged them to let us stay with them and to let me divorce Sokly. I told them about his increasing violence and how I was scared he would kill me. My parents let us stay with them for one night but in the morning my parents told me they expected me to return to Sokly and to continue our marriage. They made it very clear that I was not allowed to tell anyone about Sokly’s violence. So we went home.
I became pregnant with our fifth and last child. All through the pregnancy I was very scared, I tried not to be alone with Sokly because I was very worried that he would try to hurt me whilst I was pregnant. Two weeks after I gave birth to the last child, I was inside the house sleeping with the baby. The children were outside somewhere and I was trying to get some rest. I woke up suddenly and smelled smoke. I thought maybe someone was cooking. I picked up the baby and went to the door and started screaming – smoke was everywhere and the house was on fire! I ran outside the house and then I saw that Sokly was outside, looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I learned later, after neighbors had helped us put out the fire – that Sokly had set fire to the house himself – knowing that I was inside it with our baby. I think that he wanted to kill me.
Seeking help
Sokly began to beat me more after the house fire incident, for not cooking his chicken properly, for making mistakes when calculating money for his expenses, for many mistakes he said I made. And the worst thing of all – he started to beat all the children. I think that I could have stayed with him and kept quiet if he was only hurting me, but I could not let him hurt my children. One day he beat our 18 year old daughter very badly – for no reason at all. She was injured and I decided that it was enough! That Sokly should not be allowed to hurt my children or me. I took my daughter and we went to an NGO to tell someone what Sokly had been doing to us.
I had never before reported his violence to any local authorities, after all the times he beat me or the times he tried to kill me. The only people I had ever told were my parents. But on that day I decided that it was time for Sokly to stop hurting us all. It was time for me to be strong for my children and to let Sokly know that what he was doing, what he had been doing for over ten years – was wrong.
I want to divorce Sokly. I don’t want to bring up my children with him, I don’t want to live with him in fear, wondering every day – will he try and beat me today? Or worse – will he try and kill me?
22 comments:
Domestic violences are everywhere.
It is not a culture violence, you
assholes (KI Media). We know you
love to put us (khmer) down, but
you aint going to succeed,
motherfuckers.
To comment 5:27
Where did you bring up, dirty moron? no word to show the pity to the poor woman and instead you are rude to Ki-media.go to hell with POL POT, bastard!
You idiot, domestic violence is
worldwide, in the US, UK, AU,...,
Taiwan, Korea, you name it, and
it has nothing to do with Khmer
Culture. So stop trying to wipe
out Khmer tradition and
heritage ... . If you don't like
Khmer, stay out of Cambodia,
alright?
FYI 5:27 am, Cambodia is a culture of violence. Where husband has the full right to do whatever they want with their wife or let me say that again...WIVES...It is indoctrine in our culture and that is how it is going to be until our society decide to change. I don`t think KI had the intention to degrade our own people. It is just the truth. Told like it is. Would you like KI to say that the beating is justified?
Yes, I am a man, borned in Cambodia. Today, I'm a S.A.N.E nurse if anyone knows what it is. It's enough to stop one's heart to hear story/tragedy of the individual. Generalizing that all men in Cambodia have mistresses/wives, is a fallicy of oneself.
A man that needs to be in controlled is an insecure man that suffering from Phobia. Because our Khmer society's collapsed during the war, we never rebuild the Heritage completely. What is right is wrong and vice versa!
As a matter of fact, the CPP & officials are the model of this current violence.
It's sad to hear Mrs Sery Mom'story who is living with her kids.
What on earth we're men who beat our beloved wives.
Don't we think those women are our Grand-ma,Mothers,Aunties,Sisters and our Daughters ?
Why we are Men have more rights than them ?
Pls more respect & protect our Women,Best Friends,we need them to rise our children & share hardworks
to make a better place for us to live.
Jeyo,Satrey Khmer !
Hey you knucklehead Vietcong @5:27AM... I want you to quit using the word "us Khmer" because you are not representing any other khmer but yourself being a Vietcong. You hear me you stupid lost Vietcong? Now Fuck off!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this Vietcong @5:27AM was born out of a Bitch in the stable, specifically in Khmer:
"Ah yuon Vietcong muoy niss vear keurt pi chhka'er gnee khnong kraul ko".
Anonymous 5:27AM,
Beating women is happening everywhere in the world. If you married keep on beating you wives and your daughters. Please beat them hard then burn them alive. It is the right thing to do dude.
Listen up, you Ethiopian's tics and
flea, domestic violent is no
different from any other crimes,
and it is not unique to Cambodia.
So stop dreaming, you stupid shits.
Dear friends, I think you don't have to argue with inhumanity but you have to be good with them - to fell pity on them as they will not live with us anymore but in hell for their next reincarnation.
true. have pity on them. don't argue senselessly with a senseless person. People who condone the actions of violent spouses are themselves like that because they fear change, and feel personally attacked. You can't change with brute verbal.
I hate people who rebuttal an insane person with insanity themselves. Stop doing things like that. don't you realize it makes you look stupid?
Hey 5:27AM
You really have a thick skin kiddo.People assaulted you from every direction, but you didn't flinch.You are a true politician buddy. I,AU CONTRAIRE, just want to AK-47 them when i get piss.If i run for office ,can you be my campaign menager?
Stop making excuses that it is happening all over the world. It is true, But they are protected under the LAW. If they want help, they can get it. Right? What about Cambodia? Can women get that? I think not. Stop generalizing it. The point that I am making is that YES not all Men in Cambodia are like that. But you have to admit by percentage wise, that this is a major problem in Cambodia. You cannot compare 14 million khmer to other countries with hundreds of million. Because if you put that in percentage, we are higher. So preach against Domestic Abuse. Support our Womens.
5:27 AM is an ignorant animal with no sense of humanity inside his insect brain. A tick has more braincell than his entire family.
For this specific case, the root of the problem was a lack of support system. Her quote unquote, parents were idiots. If my daughter came home telling me her husband beat her up, the first thing in my mind would be to blow his head off. However, being the gentleman and law abiding citizen that I am, I would allow her to divorce the beast.
1:16PM..
What if your daughter say NO DADDY i cannot divorce him ,we have been together for a long long time, beside, what about your grandkids...
How about violence against men.Some women love to cheat on their husbands
KHMENG WAT KNONG SROK
http://www.un.org/womenwatch/feature/iwd/history.html
8 March : International Women’s Day is the day of all women in the world
By this occasion, we memorize as memorial day for Cambodia Women who were dead, injured physically or morally by violence in Cambodia, in Kampuchea Krom, in Thailand, in Vietnam , in Taiwan, in Malaysia or in the other countries in the world.
In Cambodia there are so many women who were dead, injured physically or morally by violence particularly during 1979-1989 (communist regime of Cambodia under vietnam domination), during the ruling of CPP party (communist party) 1991-2007 lead by dictator Hun Sen.
Pratically, Madam DY POK (mother of Hun Sen) dead in the ending year 1997 after morally violence by Hun Sen.
Wellknown actress Pisith Pilika, actress MissTat Marina, wellknown singer Touch Srey Nick, singer Poeu Pagna Pech just shot injured,... etc... were shot dead or were shot injured by Hun Sen government especially many Cambodia women dead and injured in the 30 March 1997 grenade attack in front of the national Assembly, organised by Hun Sen.
Hun Sen (and his accomplices : Hok Lun Dy, Heng Pov, Ney Thol) is one of the criminals against humanity in Cambodia
please visit :
http://hengpoev.alkablog.com
http://www.cambodiapolitic.org
http://cheavichea.alkablog.com
http://coupof56july.alkablog.com
Cut the bullshits, Ah Khmer Kroms
Kmean Srok. We have laws that
protect everyone from abuse. What
the hell more do you want, huh?
Yeah cut the BS..cut your prick off and feed it to the Viet black dog..you Vietcong @4:50PM!
As a matter of fact, the domestic violent in cambodia has reached upper limit and could no longer be tolerated. I would like to offer my sympaty to thr poor girl as well as to the other victims in cambodia. However I found it too much to say "DOMESTIC VIOLENT IS PART OF CAMBODIAN CULTURE". I am strongely disagree with that...
If you all really love cambodia, pls stop fighting each other, internal conflict has brought cambodia to this situation... Our enemies are so happy when seeing us fighting each other...
Good day...
In this issues; I'm more carefull to comments,because I'm 20, a student and single. Also I never
seen my father do that to my mother and family. But after see 21 comments, I can't stay out.
I don't think; It's a culture but way of life, and may be related to lack of education and ecomic supports. But also I see in our society today those who are roll models commit violent to gain position and power. Sihanouk he is not a good roll model according to his records; Hun Sen is not; Ranarith is not. We need a leader that is morality.
Bati
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