A Love Story

A LOVE STORY

14 February, St. Valentine’s Day 2011

By Theary C. Seng, Phnom Penh

Theary Seng (Photo: Roland Neveu, Dec. 2009

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In celebration of St. Valentine’s Day, I’m going to tell you of a true love story. 

This is a story of romantic love, of filial love, and of agape love.  Or, in the words of C. S. Lewis, it is a true story involving all the Four Loves:  (i) Affection, (ii) Friendship, (iii) Eros/Romance, and (iv) Agape, the unconditional love of God.

It is the true romantic love story of Margaret (nee Betten) and Wallace Boelkins – loved and called by everyone—young or old; family, friends or staff—as “Marge” and “Wally”.  It is also a story of their love for me and my family.  Over the past 20+ years, they were/are my best friends whom I introduced to the outside world, in order to give more respect and coherence, as my “godparents”.  Of my forty years on earth, they have been the most constant presence to me, in complementing and supplementing the nurturing role of “parents” to a very needy, broken person.

The violent deaths of my father when I was only four years old and my mother when I was only seven left a deep, tumultuous void in my heart and soul, which my maternal grandmother, Lauk Yeay, Yi Hao filled extraordinarily and beautifully as much as a human angel could until she passed away in 1998. 

Around this time three years ago, a few days after the Mia Farrow high-intensity visit in Cambodia of 2008, Marge passed away peacefully surrounded by her six children and their spouses, and 20+ grandchildren. 

(There have been three deaths which carry deep, searing spiritual significance for me: the death of my mom when I first experienced the separation of the body and the soul, the death of mom’s mom (Lauk Yeay Yi Hao) when again I felt gutted immediately upon hearing the news, and the death of Marge, when I could not feel more alone, as I felt I just lost a best friend, a spiritual guide and a parent all in one—all three pivotal moments which continue to bring tears to my eyes of both sadness and joy upon quiet reflections of them.)

Marge (nee Betten) and Wally Boelkins, photo undated.

 

I spent high school with my mom’s relatives in California, but every summer I went to work at Wally’s manufacturing company Uni-Mist (now renamed Unist, Inc.) in Michigan where my two oldest brothers continued to live and work.  As these brothers wanted to stay in Michigan to complete their high school years and continued on with Wally and Marge’s alma mater of Calvin College and did not move to California with the rest of the family, Marge and Wally took them into their spacious, newly built estate of Hidden Ridge. 

Hence, during these summer months during high school (and through the years since), I would also stay at Hidden Ridge with Marge and Wally, catching a ride to work with either my brother Sina or Wally, going out regularly for lunches with Marge and her friends and daughters, and joining in their regular family Sunday brunches of some 30 Boelkins either at Hidden Ridge or at the nearby hotel restaurant serving decadent buffets.

Hidden Ridge built on a forested hill by Wally in 1984 as an “envelope” house (a house within a house), the space in between helping to regulate the temperature inside, cool during the summer heat, warm during the winter cold.  Since, they have sold many plots of surrounding forested land for other houses to be built.  Now, up for sale.  I still have a closet full of stuff yet there.  Photo from my bittersweet visit this Jan. 2011.

 Marge and Wally Boelkins, 2001.  Marge’s health was deteriorating so Wally arranged for a nice professional photo of them to be taken in anticipation of their 50^th anniversary wedding celebration.  Marge is wearing their 45^th anniversary ring which Wally and their daughters gave to me after her peacefully passing away in January 2008, a few days after Mia Farrow’s high-intensity visit.

During the 20+ years of living with them during the countless summer months and holiday breaks from university and law school, I witnessed incredible love between husband and wife, incredible love for family, incredible love for friends and neighbors, and incredible love for God.

At one point, I was the only one staying with them as their children and my brothers had moved out (but punctuated with periodic stays of another friend they have helped to raise, Jamie, and random employees who were really down and out and needed temporary shelter – Well, there’s Hidden Ridge! – whose door is always left unlocked, like Wally’s car!)

Every day, without fail, the first thing Wally did upon entering the house was to greet Marge with a kiss.  Before every meal, without fail, Wally or Marge (or they would ask me) to read a short meditation or verse from the Bible followed with Wally offering a prayer of thanksgiving for food, shelter, family, friends etc.  Without fail.  During their 50 years of marriage.

For his work, Wally traveled a lot, domestically and internationally.  As much as possible, Marge travelled with him and they make the business trip into a romantic adventure.  (Their thinking:  Business in Germany?  Well why not make a stop to visit friends in Uganda; it’s sorta on the way!  Business in Japan… well, Cambodia is not that far away!) 

On the rare occasions she could not travel with him, Marge told me that without fail, Wally, wherever he may be in the world, would call so they could wish each other Good night.  Without fail during their long marriage of six children and 20+ grandchildren.

When I first returned to Cambodia in September 1995, they came to visit me a few months later in early 1996, literally for only 3 days, only to make sure with their own eyes that I was okay.  How did I return the favor but to take them on harrowing trips through military barricades guided by the government-black-listed editor Thun Bunly who was assassinated a few months after their visit (I remember Wally asking Thun Bunly whether he was not afraid, and with a smile without missing a beat he proclaimed No!), on dilapidated motorbike rides on bumpy dirt roads on the Weaving Island etc.

Marge Boelkins passing out school materials at a school half-an hour drive outside Phnom Penh, early 1996.

Wally Boelkins clowning around as a crowd of 1,000+ strong, mainly of school children came out to greet them (outside Phnom Penh, early 1996).  One elderly villager said he could die and go to heaven now as he has seen a white man, thinking Wally and Marge angels (which they are!)

Theary Seng, Marge and Wally Boelkins with host Thun Bunly looking at a dilapidated school building that could collapse at the next whiff of wind (outside Phnom Penh, early 1996).

A few months after Marge and Wally’s visit, Thun Bunly was assassinated in broad daylight.

Soul sisters - Daughters of Marge and Wally Boelkins: Jan, Chris, Ann, Kathy, Marla, Christine (married to their son Chuck), Theary (the unofficial “god-daughter”).  Marge and Ann drove me to Georgetown University to help me move into a college I had not visited.  Chris gave me her silver ladybug whistle necklace to prepare me for my first one-year visit to Cambodia in 1995, etc.

I remember starting in high school when I was the most emotional fragile to the point of suicidal thoughts, Marge gave me a book by Lewis Smedes Love Within Limits which expostulates with great tenderness, strength and wisdom line-by-line the famous Love chapter of St. Paul’s letter to Christians in the city of Corinth in the first century.  I was not the only recipient of this beautiful book (nor the recipient of only one copy!), but others I am sure were gifted with the same book.  I noticed that Marge had bought a stack of 30 books and would give them as gifts, sometimes forgetting that she had already given them to that person, e.g. me (at least five times, as at one point I own five copies!)

Helen (and Wally) Boelkins visiting Cambodia for the first time in January 2010 (with Mrs. Andrea Mann, the German Ambassador’s real boss!), here in Boeung Rai Security Center where 20-30,000 were believed to be killed by the Khmer Rouge, including my mom.  I am pointing to a possible mass grave where my mom could have been buried in the backyard of the house of this man who was there when we were imprisoned there 33 years ago.

Two years ago, Wally remarried to another wonderful woman, Helen, who had been widowed for four years since the passing of her husband.  Wally and Helen met each other some months earlier at the wedding of their grandchildren!  They cannot be more perfect for each other in their 2^nd marriage, confirmed by the incredible parallels they share – divine humor and love not so easily missed! 

If you don’t believe God has a sense o humor, listen to these parallels:  From their prior marriage, Wally has 6 children—5 daughters, one son; Helen has 6 children—5 daughters and one son – the children of both parallel in age!  The son is the 5^th child for both; and each son has taken on the helm of their father’s company, which is of similar business and of comparable success in the same city!  Each has 20+ grandchildren; Wally has some adopted from Asia; Helen has some adopted from Africa.  They both love and serve the same God.  And they both love fast cars – Wally drives either a Mercedes or a Lincoln Townscar; Helen a Porsche SUV (Marge a Mercedes or an Audi). 

During this January when I visited Michigan to speak at The January Series at Calvin College, upon visiting her home (also Wally’s new home), Helen greeted me with a hug, and offered her love to me even as she recognizes Marge is irreplaceable.

Theary Seng speaking at The January Series on Reconciling Peace with Justice: a Personal Journey, here with Professor David Dornbos in the background (Michigan, Jan. 2011).

Theary Seng speaking at The January Series of Calvin College on Reconciling Peace with Justice in Cambodia: a Personal Journey to a packed auditorium of 1,100 with overflows in the Chapel at 400 and the Students Commons, and 30+ global simulcasts (Michigan, 7 Jan. 2011).

Helen and Wally Boelkins attending the The January Series at Calvin College.  It’s sweet divine humor in bringing these two kids together with all their incredible parallels!

My 4-year-old niece Lily proudly gives a gift to Helen and Wally Boelkins, a drawing she had made (in the kitchen of Lily’s Michigan home, after the The January Series at Calvin College, 7 Jan. 2011).

Yes, I am greatly blessed to have witnessed such great love in the lives of Wally and Marge, and now in the lives of Wally and Helen.  I am very blessed to be so loved by my large extended blood family, by my large extended spiritual family, by so many great friends.  All undeserved, I know.  Amazing Love.  Amazing Grace.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  Wishing you LOVE.  The kind of love I have been and continue to be cherished with.