Villagers march to raise awareness of domestic violence in Kandal Province. (Photo: Sopheak Kong, World Vision)26 Nov 2007
World Vision - Asia Pacific
Website: http://www.wvasiapacific.org
When children in Cambodia were asked what they considered to be a “good man,”(1) overwhelmingly they described the same person – a family man who was strong but not violent, who provided food and protection for his children and who did not drink too much or behave in a way that harmed the family reputation.
Sadly, too few of Cambodia’s children are living in a family with this “good man.” Gender-based violence, both at home and in the community, is rife in this culture.
Over 90% of children surveyed in the study said they had seen or heard of a child being beaten by their father. As these children grow up, they are in real danger of inheriting the same values that have allowed domestic violence to continue unchecked in Cambodia’s villages and towns.
The results are crippling society - women unable to take any role of power inside or outside the family, children growing up frightened in their own homes, and a perceived link between strength and violence that leads to a high level of sexual abuse and rape perpetuated by teenage boys and young adults outside the home.
Involving men in the solution has long been a goal for agencies working on gender issues in Cambodia. But this has proven to be a difficult conversion in a culture so steeped in gender inequality.
Abuse tolerated by communities
Smey is a mother of four living in a slum along Battambong’s Sangker River. When she begged local shop owners to stop selling alcohol to her abusive husband, they laughed at her. Yet every member of this family bears visible scars of his violence. When he fell into the river and drowned around a year ago, it was not a tragedy for Smey – it was a deliverance.
“My experience was so bitter, I can’t describe it,” she says. “When I was pregnant he beat me all the time. I asked the neighbour if I could stay with them – but he followed me and said he wouldn’t do it again. He took me home, but less than three hours later he was beating me again.”
Smey lost that baby, and later another one, because of the severity of beating she received from him. The neighbours took her to hospital and helped her to pay for the treatment, a debt she struggled to pay back.
“When I got out from the hospital he did not work to support the family, so my children had to work as scrap collectors to earn a little money for food. My husband sometimes beat me when I returned from doing laundry at people’s houses - he suspected me of being unfaithful. Sometimes he was drunk and not thinking clearly. Sometimes I tried to protect my children and he beat me as well.”
Living jammed up against other families, she says it was impossible for her neighbours not to know what was going on. This added to her humiliation; as it was clear her family was in crisis, she felt she was a failure. “Nobody helped us,” she remembers, “because they knew my husband. They didn’t want to help, as if it was not their business.”
Since his death, Smey says she feels released, but she is still frightened of the violence that her community tolerates, even perpetrates. “Being a mother, I worry all the time,” she says. “I am afraid that my children will follow bad people, gamblers, drug users and drinkers. I am also afraid people will rape my daughter.”
As she tells her story, Smey often stops to wipe away tears. Being able to tell her story safely, encouraged by other women in the community to believe she is not to blame, is an emotional and empowering step for her.
But stories like Smey’s have a broader significance. They can help communities to face up to their responsibilities towards women. They reveal the effects of family violence, especially on the capacity and happiness of the next generation. They show where there is room for improvement and need for shame. They help men to harden their resolve to be the “good man” they once admired so much.
Speaking out helps reduce violence
World Vision’s Reduction of Gender-based Violence Project (RGVP) has recently started to use stories to open communication between victims of violence and the people who can work to stop it.
As a group, women share their stories and decide which of them represents best their community’s experiences, needs and achievements. The story they decide on may not be the most moving or the most dramatic, but it is the one that can show the way forward for programme staff, donors and local decision-makers. The women are given the opportunity to explain not just what is happening, but also which community actions are most appropriate to break these cycles.
Often there are revelations; sometimes there are tears. It’s a cathartic process which often brings them closer as neighbours and friends. But how receptive are the men to the messages aimed at them, and the call for change?
In October World Vision helped to organize a talkback radio broadcast on Cambodia’s Women Media Centre station on the topic of domestic violence. There, 40-year-old Orm Oem, a formerly abusive husband, took the mike to extol the benefits of a non-violent household.
"When we as spouses or parents argue aggressively and scold each other, it will have an effect on our children's feelings and our neighbors,” he said. “But if we respect, forgive and understand each other, the arguments should not occur.”
Since his transformation, Orm Oem feels regret for what he has put his family through, but also pride that he is now providing his wife and children a loving and safe home environment.
"Now I have happiness in my family, and our living condition is improving,” he said.
Vorn Veth, advocacy officer for World Vision’s Reducing Gender-based Violence Project, also went on air to explain the links between violence, mental health and community well-being. He urged listeners to get involved in protecting their communities. “We must work hand in hand to reduce the issue in our country,” he said.
As well as encouraging men to change their ways, he advised victims of ways to help themselves. “You have to be courageous to advocate when you are beaten,” he told listeners. “But you can ask for help from local authorities, NGOs, or neighbours to intervene.”
A rally in Svay Prey village, Kandal, earlier this year, became an opportunity for people from all walks of life to have their say on domestic violence. Around 250 people took part, carrying banners which read “See and end violence” and “We want peace in our village.” As well as local families, the crowd included teachers, students, police and the village chief.
According to one villager, the rally was a sign of the community’s commitment to ending domestic violence once and for all. “It is our own issue,” he said, “and we have to face up to find the solution.”
Spoken like a true “good man.”
--------
(1) Wise before their time:Young People, Gender-based Violence and Pornography in Kandal Stung District, G. Fordham/World Vision 2005 (view document)
Sadly, too few of Cambodia’s children are living in a family with this “good man.” Gender-based violence, both at home and in the community, is rife in this culture.
Over 90% of children surveyed in the study said they had seen or heard of a child being beaten by their father. As these children grow up, they are in real danger of inheriting the same values that have allowed domestic violence to continue unchecked in Cambodia’s villages and towns.
The results are crippling society - women unable to take any role of power inside or outside the family, children growing up frightened in their own homes, and a perceived link between strength and violence that leads to a high level of sexual abuse and rape perpetuated by teenage boys and young adults outside the home.
Involving men in the solution has long been a goal for agencies working on gender issues in Cambodia. But this has proven to be a difficult conversion in a culture so steeped in gender inequality.
Abuse tolerated by communities
Smey is a mother of four living in a slum along Battambong’s Sangker River. When she begged local shop owners to stop selling alcohol to her abusive husband, they laughed at her. Yet every member of this family bears visible scars of his violence. When he fell into the river and drowned around a year ago, it was not a tragedy for Smey – it was a deliverance.
“My experience was so bitter, I can’t describe it,” she says. “When I was pregnant he beat me all the time. I asked the neighbour if I could stay with them – but he followed me and said he wouldn’t do it again. He took me home, but less than three hours later he was beating me again.”
Smey lost that baby, and later another one, because of the severity of beating she received from him. The neighbours took her to hospital and helped her to pay for the treatment, a debt she struggled to pay back.
“When I got out from the hospital he did not work to support the family, so my children had to work as scrap collectors to earn a little money for food. My husband sometimes beat me when I returned from doing laundry at people’s houses - he suspected me of being unfaithful. Sometimes he was drunk and not thinking clearly. Sometimes I tried to protect my children and he beat me as well.”
Living jammed up against other families, she says it was impossible for her neighbours not to know what was going on. This added to her humiliation; as it was clear her family was in crisis, she felt she was a failure. “Nobody helped us,” she remembers, “because they knew my husband. They didn’t want to help, as if it was not their business.”
Since his death, Smey says she feels released, but she is still frightened of the violence that her community tolerates, even perpetrates. “Being a mother, I worry all the time,” she says. “I am afraid that my children will follow bad people, gamblers, drug users and drinkers. I am also afraid people will rape my daughter.”
As she tells her story, Smey often stops to wipe away tears. Being able to tell her story safely, encouraged by other women in the community to believe she is not to blame, is an emotional and empowering step for her.
But stories like Smey’s have a broader significance. They can help communities to face up to their responsibilities towards women. They reveal the effects of family violence, especially on the capacity and happiness of the next generation. They show where there is room for improvement and need for shame. They help men to harden their resolve to be the “good man” they once admired so much.
Speaking out helps reduce violence
World Vision’s Reduction of Gender-based Violence Project (RGVP) has recently started to use stories to open communication between victims of violence and the people who can work to stop it.
As a group, women share their stories and decide which of them represents best their community’s experiences, needs and achievements. The story they decide on may not be the most moving or the most dramatic, but it is the one that can show the way forward for programme staff, donors and local decision-makers. The women are given the opportunity to explain not just what is happening, but also which community actions are most appropriate to break these cycles.
Often there are revelations; sometimes there are tears. It’s a cathartic process which often brings them closer as neighbours and friends. But how receptive are the men to the messages aimed at them, and the call for change?
In October World Vision helped to organize a talkback radio broadcast on Cambodia’s Women Media Centre station on the topic of domestic violence. There, 40-year-old Orm Oem, a formerly abusive husband, took the mike to extol the benefits of a non-violent household.
"When we as spouses or parents argue aggressively and scold each other, it will have an effect on our children's feelings and our neighbors,” he said. “But if we respect, forgive and understand each other, the arguments should not occur.”
Since his transformation, Orm Oem feels regret for what he has put his family through, but also pride that he is now providing his wife and children a loving and safe home environment.
"Now I have happiness in my family, and our living condition is improving,” he said.
Vorn Veth, advocacy officer for World Vision’s Reducing Gender-based Violence Project, also went on air to explain the links between violence, mental health and community well-being. He urged listeners to get involved in protecting their communities. “We must work hand in hand to reduce the issue in our country,” he said.
As well as encouraging men to change their ways, he advised victims of ways to help themselves. “You have to be courageous to advocate when you are beaten,” he told listeners. “But you can ask for help from local authorities, NGOs, or neighbours to intervene.”
A rally in Svay Prey village, Kandal, earlier this year, became an opportunity for people from all walks of life to have their say on domestic violence. Around 250 people took part, carrying banners which read “See and end violence” and “We want peace in our village.” As well as local families, the crowd included teachers, students, police and the village chief.
According to one villager, the rally was a sign of the community’s commitment to ending domestic violence once and for all. “It is our own issue,” he said, “and we have to face up to find the solution.”
Spoken like a true “good man.”
--------
(1) Wise before their time:Young People, Gender-based Violence and Pornography in Kandal Stung District, G. Fordham/World Vision 2005 (view document)
