Original report from Long Beach, California
07 August 2009
Cambodian women and children are under threat of domestic violence in their American homes, living with physical or emotional scars and often feeling they cannot escape. However, two social workers told VOA Khmer, help is available.
“Domestic violence among Cambodian-Americans in society is committed by men against their wives, girlfriends, or children,” said Prom Sony, a domestic violence counselor for the Cambodian Association of America, in Long Beach, Calif.
As a result of the violence, women suffer from post-traumatic stress and paranoia, Om Raksmie, a domestic violence case manager, told VOA Khmer in an interview. Cambodians in America face two especially difficult problems in terms of assimilation. First, there are many Cambodian families in America experiencing intense cultural conflicts. Second, some refugees find the effects of multiple traumas suffered during the civil war and the Khmer Rouge interfering with their daily lives.
Cambodian women are valued for their domestic abilities, including childrearing. Many manage their families’ budgets and, from an American point of view, seem relatively powerful. But they cannot challenge their fathers, uncles, husbands, or even grown sons in public.
Prom Sony said in an interview that Cambodian women who struggle in abusive relationships continue to provide good care for their children. She recounted the story of a woman abused by her ex-husband for many years, even as she raised four girls.
“This woman was abused physically, emotionally and financially,” Prom Sony said. “She has a scar on her face until today from a hard object that her husband used to hit her face. For her protection, the woman was evacuated to a women’s shelter in Arizona for a year. Her ex-husband was arrested a few weeks after the incident. Nowadays this lady survives on her own, raising all four daughters by herself. She’s an independent woman and still single. Besides raising the four children, she also has to take care of her elderly disabled mother. This lady is working full time at a doughnut shop to support the family. To this day, her ex-husband hasn’t paid any child support and has even asked to reunite with her, though she refused.”
While physical abuse can cause severe and long-lasting scars, emotional and psychological abuse can be even more devastating. It can make the victim feel isolated and helpless, as if she cannot escape the situation.
“This is not true,” Prom Sony said. “Resources are available to help the victims of domestic violence and their children. The Cambodian Association of America provides services and activities such as domestic violence education, advocacy and court-document support, support groups, group counseling and much more.”
Om Raksmie described a single mother with four children, two boys and two girls. The woman was physically attacked and medically treated for her injuries.
“She was hospitalized for several months,” Om Raksmie said. “This woman was stabbed seven times in her chest and was also cut open along her abdomen. She sustained a severe head injury from a hard object that was used to hit her. At first, the first doctor was very pessimistic that she’d be able to survive her injuries. Now she is disabled and has lost some of her memories. Prior to this, this woman raised four children on her own. Her abuser is currently serving a life sentence in jail. This victim was living at a shelter for abused women with all of her children. Now she is on her own with her three children, as her eldest son has moved out.”
The problem of domestic violence is multifaceted. The abused woman’s response is directly related to the family origin, culture and society in which she lives. The abuse is cyclical, as many women who are victims have witnessed abuse in their homes since they were children.
“Domestic violence among Cambodian-Americans in society is committed by men against their wives, girlfriends, or children,” said Prom Sony, a domestic violence counselor for the Cambodian Association of America, in Long Beach, Calif.
As a result of the violence, women suffer from post-traumatic stress and paranoia, Om Raksmie, a domestic violence case manager, told VOA Khmer in an interview. Cambodians in America face two especially difficult problems in terms of assimilation. First, there are many Cambodian families in America experiencing intense cultural conflicts. Second, some refugees find the effects of multiple traumas suffered during the civil war and the Khmer Rouge interfering with their daily lives.
Cambodian women are valued for their domestic abilities, including childrearing. Many manage their families’ budgets and, from an American point of view, seem relatively powerful. But they cannot challenge their fathers, uncles, husbands, or even grown sons in public.
Prom Sony said in an interview that Cambodian women who struggle in abusive relationships continue to provide good care for their children. She recounted the story of a woman abused by her ex-husband for many years, even as she raised four girls.
“This woman was abused physically, emotionally and financially,” Prom Sony said. “She has a scar on her face until today from a hard object that her husband used to hit her face. For her protection, the woman was evacuated to a women’s shelter in Arizona for a year. Her ex-husband was arrested a few weeks after the incident. Nowadays this lady survives on her own, raising all four daughters by herself. She’s an independent woman and still single. Besides raising the four children, she also has to take care of her elderly disabled mother. This lady is working full time at a doughnut shop to support the family. To this day, her ex-husband hasn’t paid any child support and has even asked to reunite with her, though she refused.”
While physical abuse can cause severe and long-lasting scars, emotional and psychological abuse can be even more devastating. It can make the victim feel isolated and helpless, as if she cannot escape the situation.
“This is not true,” Prom Sony said. “Resources are available to help the victims of domestic violence and their children. The Cambodian Association of America provides services and activities such as domestic violence education, advocacy and court-document support, support groups, group counseling and much more.”
Om Raksmie described a single mother with four children, two boys and two girls. The woman was physically attacked and medically treated for her injuries.
“She was hospitalized for several months,” Om Raksmie said. “This woman was stabbed seven times in her chest and was also cut open along her abdomen. She sustained a severe head injury from a hard object that was used to hit her. At first, the first doctor was very pessimistic that she’d be able to survive her injuries. Now she is disabled and has lost some of her memories. Prior to this, this woman raised four children on her own. Her abuser is currently serving a life sentence in jail. This victim was living at a shelter for abused women with all of her children. Now she is on her own with her three children, as her eldest son has moved out.”
The problem of domestic violence is multifaceted. The abused woman’s response is directly related to the family origin, culture and society in which she lives. The abuse is cyclical, as many women who are victims have witnessed abuse in their homes since they were children.
33 comments:
To all belove Khmer,
You are not deserve to be Khmer, Khmer Australian, or Khmer American...etc if you are not support or donate money to SRP and dares to support the CPP. Despite, we have hidden this policy because Hun Sen and CPP can mocking on us but SRP and our supporters will carry this policy until we win the election. In addition, whoever dares to post any topic in this forum which doesn't support SRP, we will use very bad languages to hunt you down. We are the best in using bad languages against Hun Sen and the CPP.
The opposition (SRP) has no policy to force any Khmer to support us, but if any Khmer dares to support the CPP, SRP and our supporters will brand you as Youn.
Sam Rainsy Party (Candle light)
It is great to know a secret policy of Sam Rainsy Party in insulting whoever support Hun Sen's regime and the CPP.
Please keep fighting and insulting whoever doesn't support SRP.
Khmer in NZ
We like democracy and always respect the freedom of speech, but we really hate whoever support Hun Sen's regime and the CPP.
I do agree the idea that whoever supports the CPP must not call him/herself as Khmer. Khmer have to support SRP and donate money as much as you can to help our party in fighting with CPP.
From SRP's supporter in USA
AH hun sen regime is serving Yuon .i urge khmers who support CPP watch out.. U guys will be facing beheaded like commune councillor in Banteay Mean Chey.heheeh
3:04 PM
"We like democracy and always respect the freedom of speech, but we really hate whoever support Hun Sen's regime and the CPP."
Might be the most ironic and hypocritical piece of shit ever said by anyone. Only scumbag like you can manage to contradict yourself in the same sentence.
What the fuck you shithead even know about democracy anyways? You are probably one of the idiots that call democracy with a mouth full but know jack shit about it.
No society, ever existed, created democracy for what it means. By free, they mean it for themselves. Look at the Greeks, we must fight to protect democracy. Whose democracy? The fucking Greek society had slaves who have no right as a citizen. Do those slaves have democracy? Fuck no. When the founding fathers of the US wrote their declaration of independence citing "all men are created equal" did they include the black slaves in their thought? Fuck no.
So for all there is, democracy is just a fucking abstract idea that never really existed in its entity because the group that created it only did it for themselves.
I want freedom for all men. By all men, I mean just me and my group only.
That is the same mentality you have, ah stupid dipshit hypocrite shitbag.
Hi Blockeahds 2:46 PM through 8:22PM,
It is about DOMESTIC VIOLENCE not about Parties or Democratic Society or else.
Those Cambodian women who have faced domestic violence don't need any help, but your blockheads need helps.
Domestic violence has happened to all societies especially in Muslim countries where women are treated like men'slaves.
In the US women tend to abuse men because the US laws protected women than men.
Who the hell Nuch Sarita anyway? Is she just trying to make a headline to keep her job busy so she won't face posssible laid off after Obama announced "worst may be behind us on recession?"
Nuch Sarita is an employee of VOA of USA. She's a big woman more than chubbie I'd say. I happend to pass by the VOA (Thai) and met a fews Cambodians. Working at VOA the employees are not required Degrees, some has BA in the US and some has no degree and Nuch Sarita has no degree, probably HS in her country, Cambodia.
You can't blame this woman who does work to keep her job from being furloughed either. We all get to fight to keep our jobs.
Hi all,
I read and read and thought about the first comment on this blog. I don't believe that 2:46 PM was posted by SRP supporter? I think it comes from someone who tries to paint our faces and wath us fight for fun. What do you think?
9:45,
So, you want to tell us that NUCH SARITA is fat and dumb?.
10;53pm,
We reader are smart enough to know who is CPP or who is SRP. You are too late, we already knew that a jerk from CPP.
May be he 9;45 is Thai, and he wants to tell us Nuch Sarita fights to keep her job. How can a dumb person works at Voa? Just because she does not have high degree so what? I think she is smart to get that job wihout a degree.
9:45, your comment is funny. If you work for the Fed you don't need to worry about being furloughed or laid off cuz the Fed can print money.
I never heard about the Cambodian Association of America, maybe it's just a Long Beach thing. I don't think there are sufficient resources for Khmers in other communities outside of the most populated Cambodian communities.
It'd be wonderful if younger cambodian generation can volunteer to help those of their parent generation who are struggling mentally and socially deal with their problems.
Many who came to the US had barely finished primary schools in Cambodia. Many had been farmers and don't know to read or write. It is a huge struggle for them a adapt to the new culture in the US. Whenever they need help, most of the time, they are afraid of any repercussion. They are scared of the authority, police. Mainly bcuz of their memory scar from the Khmer Rouge regime and prior.
These Cambodians tend to have very dysfunctional families. Their kids don't have respect for them bcuz they are incapable of instilling role model values in the kids. The kids have low self esteem, and as a result they join gangs and use drug to boost their self esteem and avoid stress incured in their families.
Every cambodian community needs programs to help those who are like above mentioned. Improved Cambodian communities help reduce crimes, drug use, gangs, and will produce better workforce, contributing ctizens who eventually contibute to federal taxation their parents have benefited from.
Any comment is welcome!!!
His comment is not funny, it is yours is funny and ignorant then manipulative. Why do you say Fed employees wouldn't be laid off?
It's has been happening now. Are you nut?
Here is how they do. They check everythings employees did or are doing. Checked through their work such as using excessive internet, or phone or else. Then they sent
e-mail to the employees as a repriment letter. Two strikes is out that's what they are doing. They wouldnot say "Laid off" but that's how they are doing when the country is on the recession.
What I think why some readers are not happy to read this, because they are more concerned for Cambodia than these rutine domestic violence that occurs in all societies.
Is it not a nother scam of Cambodian community or this broadcast VOA made by this fat woman to keep her job from being furloughed?
And why is Cambodian community better than other communities and needs to be treated so special?
Come on Cambodians.
Cambodians in Long Beach, Stockton, Ca, and Boston, Ma are too lazy. I'm not saying all but many are. This fat woman in VOA is smart and she can get a job without a degree in the US better than those lazy Cambodians in LB and Stockton either she got it by being a manipulative still she is smart who knows how.
About domestic violence, Black community whose children born from single mothers have so many domestic violence rate. You are right every society has domestic violence, and I think we should be worried about Cambodia and the people in Cambodia than these Cambodian people who have a good life in the US.
it's culture clash. also, it is partly blamed the women themselves because they seem to tolerate it and silent about such abuse; it's partly their own fault for no doing something about it like reporting to the police, get restrain order, etc... i think khmer women should not be silent and tolerate that kind of domestic abuse, especially physical and emotional one. plus, they need help in educaion and what to do in this situation. they may seem helpless and fail to get help. i think their mentality needs to change, too. my advice, don't tolerate it and do report it to the police. to hell with shyness or as they often said, it's for the family and kids' sake not to report or call the police. women need to stand up for their own rights, you know! wake up, people. be brave and call the police to report any abuse. no more excuses! and also, it's time to be independence as well, stop living off your husband as they will also abuse you for given you that privilege. think wisely!
Cambodian culture teaches khmer men to be superior than their ladies. No khmer men should bow down to any lady except his mother. Khmer men are kings of their families. Everyone in the household must respect and obey khmer men's ideas (even stupid ones) or he'll beat the hell out of everyoyne he believes to be his subordinates that inculde his wife, daughter(s), son(s), younger brother/sister in-laws, and sometimes mother inlaw. The techniques consiter of bare knockles and using foreign objests such as electrical wires, belt knockles, sticks, tree's branches, baseball bat, knive, ax, and even guns... god bless khmer women...
hey, just a remind, if people aren't aware already. when we use the internet, keep in mind that the internet is often anonymous and there is no telling who wrote what and by whom, so, that's why in academia, they often don't encourage students to use the information, esp. opinions with your reference, for their terms papers, etc... same concept to keep in mind that the internet is soooo open to everybody from all walks of life; and there's no telling who they are. so, i suggest be wise and smart by not taking them too seriously. instead, just read the comments, opinions, remarks, etc. and absorb the ideas or point of views, etc, however, don't lose sleep over them! be smart, ok!
smart? i will try
culture is one thing, but physical abuse should not be tolerate by women or by anyone for that matter, period. if you don't do something about it, they will continue to abuse you, be brave and get help. by all mean, do not tolerate it no matter how small or trivial it may be because it will continue. men,too, need to be education to act civility. it is not rights to strike a women, let alone your wife and children because your can go to jail for that and it will look bad in your record as well.
a lot of time, the abuse happened when people got drunk, depressed, etc., however, it is no excuses for abuse, whatsoever, ok! you will get in trouble when the police come to your home, especially if the children are involved. please think twice before committing such heineous act to your family! it is inexcusable and not tolerated, period, anywhere, whether in the USA or in cambodia. even in cambodia everything there changed too, so think twice and think wisely before acting abusively in family, ok! yes, women should not put up with any abuse, period! in addition, everyone must be proactive and help to report any abuse they witness, whether elderly abuse, child abuse, or spousal abuse, etc... now spousal abuse can go both ways as well; but do report to the authority for help. do not tolerate it, period!
why telling me not to tolerate my man? Sometimes when he slaped me, i think i also contribute to it. It was also my fault for being smarter than him. I just need to learn to give in and let him be the man he want to be. No one can understand him but me. I know he doesn't mean it after he slaped the hell out of me. He always cries and apologize to me that he hurted me emotionally or physically. I love my man. He's a real man.
then, don't complain about it! plus, we are refering to the big picture of problem in society in general because your situation maybe different from other people. we are talking strictly about the real and dangerous abuse, here, not some kind of trivial discord or whatever you are describing above. think smartly before opening your mouth! do learn to think smartly, it will help you to make a sound decision, too.
I'm not complaining about the abuse. Don't get me wrong, i love everyting about my man except when he's angry at me. I'm sure all men are incline to slap their ladies once in a while; however, some men are able to control their reflexes from swinging widly than others. A slap and kiss to make up can sometimes produce an amazingly wonderful sexual experience.
Ladies,
It's your fault to let an idiot running over you. It's all about respect. Not all Khmer men are bad. Just an ignorant and a nasty one who is allowing to contain his ego by his mother from the day he was born or else, he just an abnormal one. You can leave him. Who tell you to put up with an idiot? Is there just one fish in the ocean? Drop the idea of trying to mend the old torn out skirt. Seeing something wrong just take off baby! There is a place call police station or 911. Tell that you don't want him near you or that he is dangerous. Tell the police from the first sign you notice the man is being abusive to you. Start as soon as you can. He needs to be discipline right away. Don't wait until he hits you with rock in the face. Just abusive word is enough. Men in America know their places. They don't usually mess with you unless they have been doing drug or alcohol. That's another thing that you should tell as soon as possible. Put him in his place immediately. You do him a favor instead of letting him running around and do more bad things. No body deserves to be abused. Everything else in life is hard enough. Let alone living with a monster. There is other man. That one can go to....or where ever he wants to, but with you. You and each and everyone of your ladies deserve a better man and a better life. Be courage to choose a better future and you can. Yes you can!
3:41 am is a sicko. Not for me. You dare to slap me. You're done a..hole! You don't wrap with gold and I don't give a shit about f.cking. I deserve better and I deserve respect from a man I married and called him my husband. Otherwise he can just F off.
OK girls,
Don't fight with each others in here. I am a man and I agree with you girls that men or husbands should give their wives respects, because the women are mothers of the world.
About men in old day, yes they put women down, but this day no, except Muslim men or Muslim countries. Cool off will ya?
3:20am is not stupid, but born with submissive personality. It's sad, but there are people like that. She needs some treatment herself.
2:46 is trash. I doubt it is from Sam Rainsy party. This person sounds very paranoid.
Men and women should have equal rights. No body deserves to be mentally and physical abused. They can seek help from women's shelters , psychologists or just leave.
Equal rights is one thing but respect each others I think is the best.
This article indicates that Cambodian-American women living in America are the victims of domestic abuse...
In any communities, there are some degree of abuses, but to paint a picture of women as entirely victim and men as entirely perpetrator is improper and over generalize.
Ms. Sony and those working in the field of family and problem associating with abuse should examine this abuse issue in more detail, and stop lip servicing...
you pervert, we're not talking about rough sex, here! we're talking about life and death situation, here! get real, would you!
It's difficult to think of life with out sex. Rough sex seems more exciting than the gentle/weakling sex. My man has the rights to abuse me all he wants during sexual intercourse; however, he must treat me with respect after we're done.
We should not become too complacent, after all, complacency is our number one enemy.
The scope of the problem we're discussing here is too complex; the leaders must come up with solutions to deal with the crisis before it becomes exacerbated.
--janitor
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