Monday, January 11, 2010

Habits and Sacrifices

First published in September 2008 in The Phnom Penh Post as part of the Voice of Justice columns. One and one-half years since the publication of this article, Emma continues to flower into a beautiful little girl with personality, rhythm and grace - a product of great parenting, nurturing environment and opportunities. We owe our children and the new generation opportunities and a nurturing environment for them to realize their human potential.

A nurturing environment to replace the current ugly environment -- of vulgarity, deceit, pettiness, women-hating, self-loathing and divisiveness -- does not come by without reflection and sacrifices from each of us wherever we may find ourselves, with a narrow or wide sphere of influence. And I cannot emphasize enough the need for each of us to READ, READ, READ and READ some more...this is a habit that should never leave us even if we're 90 years old as we should never stop learning and should be teachable at any age!

HABITS AND SACRIFICES

My niece, Emma, who is fifteen-months old and lives in Irvine, California, has been attending music class. It's impossible to know fully the impact that music will have on her life, but already her face lights up every time she hears music and moves and grooves to the tunes confidently, playfully, in perfect rhythm and style. In seeing Emma dance, I am reminded of Tiger Woods who as a toddler putted golf balls every day with his father and the excellence of the Olympians achieved through discipline and habits instilled at tender ages.

The wisdom of millennia back continues to resonate: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

The problem with habits is that the good ones require intentionality, discipline, patience and hard work while the bad ones come only too naturally.

What are the admirable habits you as a parent, we as a society – intentionally, purposefully, sacrificially – are instilling in our children and young people? Alternatively, what are the dark habits you as a parent, we as a society are encouraging and permitting through carelessness, apathy and lack of vision?

If we are wise and visionary, we must be intentional and purposeful in our living by forming life-enriching habits in ourselves and our children. We are a generation, post-Khmer Rouge, uniquely cast with an opportunity and a burden: Shall we squander the lessons of the past and let our parents and family die in vain?

Or, shall we live sacrificially and meaningfully for change, for transformation – from violence to peace, hatred to love, vulgarity to decency, fear to courage, arrogance to humility, mediocrity to excellence, pettiness to largeness of heart, envy to praise, folly to wisdom, inanity to knowledge, vacillation to perseverance, apathy to passion, falsehood to truth, humiliation to dignity/nobility – in order that our children may move away from this present darkness to build a brighter future and join the world community of the 21st century?

Shall we merely exist, or shall we LIVE and live passionately by giving the new generation strong shoulders to stand on, a firm foundation from which to build for globalized, 21st century living?

The answer cannot be the current status quo. It must be the latter; we must live sacrificially; we must live intentionally and passionately with shrewd single-mindedness for peace, love, decency, courage, humility, excellence, generosity, nobility, wisdom, knowledge and truth -all these words we throw around as good and true.

However, when I look around our society, I shudder at what I see and hear being instilled and formed in our young people. I see elementary school students bribing their way through schools, through their young life – encouraged and applauded by the parents and our leaders, very much comfortably at ease with corruption as a way of life.

I see young children in my neighborhood scavenging for rubbish when they should be attending school, sniffing glue to numb their existence. I see a void of leadership at all levels of society, beginning with us as civic leaders. I see indecency and hear vulgarity from us, about us.

What I do not see often enough is children reading, adults reading, parents parenting, leaders leading. What I hear is lip service to these values; what I do not see is the acting out of these values.
These words of nobility, goodness, peace etc. are only words, empty rhetoric if they are not habitually, incrementally instilled and developed in each one of us. We cannot do otherwise; we cannot afford anything else. Phrases such as "proud to be born Khmer" ring hollow if we continue to cheat, kill and lie to and about each other.

A long time ago, I learned that there is no short cut to life. In a bling-bling culture, where only the surface matters, where things are not what they seem, we are fooling ourselves to think we can exist as we are now and acquire good habits and virtues without discipline, without efforts, without education, without hard work, without opposition.

We must know our history, world history. We must be better readers of the patterns of life spanning the years and events of these histories. If we are at all paying attention, we would know that anything of value and meaning must be paid for in real terms. We value dignity? Fight for it. Earn it. We value freedom? Fight for it. Earn it. Apartheid did not end in South Africa without decades of struggle, costing lives and 27 years of imprisonment for Nelson Mandela. Think Gandhi and his struggle for independence from British imperialism and what it cost him and his countrymen. Barack Obama is standing on the shoulders of giants who came before him and paved the way for his historic presidential candidacy; think Martin Luther King, Jr. and decades of the civil rights movement.

What are the sacrifices we are making for our children? What are the habits we are intentionally living and imparting to prepare for a more prosperous present and future? What are the character-forming habits we would like to see more in ourselves and in future generations? What are we doing to actualize them from empty rhetoric?

I agree with Dr. Mark Strom – my new favorite author – that the answer to these habits and sacrifices which allow us to "live well" is not magical but practical. I also agree with him on four little sayings as good reminders and a place to start: take care in little things; big door swing on little hinges; faithful in little things, faithful in big things; and leave people better than you found them.

And always, READ.

Theary C. SENG, former director of Center for Social Development (March 2006—July 2009), founded the Center for Justice & Reconciliation (www.cjr-cambodia.org) and is currently writing her second book, under a grant, amidst her speaking engagements.

27 comments:

My Community Networking said...

The problem is we Khmer are not sacrifing but concentrating on revenges and good on blaming society or the environment surrounding us.

Anonymous said...

It starts from the top, the people who are ruling the country must set a good model by showing highest level of tolerance, justice, equality before the law, demoratic ideals ( treat all national institutions as belonged to the country, not a person), then a lot of the illnesses will be cured.

Lee said...

The Khmer younger generation has been poisoned by the National leaders. They are falling to the hell future. Drug using, glue sniffing, gambling, wine and beer drinking are attacking their mentality. Thereby, it cause squarrel, violence and fighting. Who cause this problem. You-guy the leaders? You instill this manner to Khmer children. Violence, intolerance, revenges, cursing happen everywhere in Cambodia from the national leaders to ordinary people.
The Buddhism supreme leaders which are the main persons for educate Khmers has been politicized and hooked by powers, wealth and self enrichment. You-the leaders the servants of the public- on purpose push Cambodia to the severe poverty, hunger, hatred, revenge. The country was plagued with anarchy, lawless, killing, fear and so on.

Lee said...

You the leaders must read the letter of Thai King to his daughter posted in KI Media recently and put it into your thorough account. Don't care about how ill he is to Cambodian people in terms of endless evil ambition to invade Cambodia but take the content of the letter and actualize it for the sake of Khmer society which is on the verge of neighboring country colony.

Anonymous said...

Lee,
The letter was undeniable awesome. But most people around the world already knew the Chakry Dynasty is fake. With his 35 billion dollars and Lese Majesty Laws, come on, why his people remain so poor and some sold their daughters to be prostitutes.

It does not work, Lee, it won't.

Anonymous said...

well said Lee. When the leadersare violent, corrupt, amoral, the people will follow suite.

Blame the opposition ? No way Josh.

Anonymous said...

Theary has good observation. Khmer society is so fake - a lot o things are good only outside, but has no substance. People are taught to be gentle, scared of authority, sampeah withntheir head so low to the ground, speak gentle with fake ghostly voices, but most of the time we are violent, rude, looking down on each other, corrupt, incompetent,

Khmer society and values were built on thick air - preaching , but no practice.

Anonymous said...

YOU WANT TO FIND MAN FOR PLAYING SEX THEARY???? PLEASE COME ON .... I WELCOME YOU GIRL...HASSSSSS

Anonymous said...

thin air, it should read

Lee said...

Dear, 3:o4
Yes, of course, the world do know the evil deeds of Chakry Dynasty not only to his his people but also to Cambodians until this minute.
My purpose here is that I only want our leaders no matter ruling or opposition party take the meaning of the letter--the content into their consideration and make it come to realization for Khmer society. That want I meant. Please read my comment over. I use the term National Leaders, not the ruling nor the opposition.

Anonymous said...

My post was@ 3;03pm not 3;04pm.
What I am saying that the majority of people will react just like I told you, Lee.

They will say "The hell this Thai King is talking about he cannot even clean his own small family?".
If you want to pick someone for the Khmer leaders to follow, then pick a good one, dude." If not you will be back lash real bad.

Lee said...

Dear 3:03
Yes, I got your point. I agree on the point that before he the King sets the good example for other, he himself must do good deeds and then the other will follow.
Thanks :)

Lee said...

Actually, I'd to like to see Khmer people get involved and criticize each other in a moral way. I don't understand why some of people give their comments by using vulgar word and word for hell and animal. This leads to hatred and anger as well as revenge amongst us as Khmer children.
What is the outcome of using this inhumane words? This is the culture of Khmers?
We can criticize whoever we don't like but please in a proper way. We should talk and find the solution to the problem. Find the middle way which is acceptable for all of us for Khmer unity and development.

Anonymous said...

A few years ago, Khmers in Lowell, MA figured out that our power to influence the City through voting. All called for Khmer-Americans to turned out to vote no later than 10 years later on the election day those who made the original call themselves failed to go to the poll to vote or even make any effort to remind their own peers. Let us not beat around the bush," Being lazy, inconsistant, unmotivated, lack of follow through, under estimated of tasks, quick to follow the new ideas, and give up quickly." All in all, reaching the goals take serious commitment and hard work.

Anonymous said...

Thai King's advice was awesome. So does from our own Theary. You're the best!

All of us need to keep track of who and who playing the biggest part in saving our society and Cambodian country as a whole, especially from our own people. That how African American got their people to be President of the United States. They kept track of everyone from successful aritists such as singer( Diana Rose ), Public Activist ( Rosa Park ), boxer ( Mohamad Ali ), talk show host ( Oprah Winfrey ), public defender ( Jessi Jackson ) and just people from all walk of life to politician. They know who can punch the door open and they pray and follow that person. Now they have countless of powerful people that can change things around. I don't see any of us start this type of mentality, yet. Can we start now? and who can really pull us out from being lagging behind and into the 21st century? Let's do it. Can we name some of our heros? How about Lok Sam Rainsey, Mrs. Musohoa and Lok Sun Chay from Politic? Chea Vichea from the Union workers? or Lok Rung Chun from teachers and students movement? and Ms. Theary Seng from the humanitarian stand point? or our people from Kampuchea Krom? Like Bhikok Tim Sakhorn? and many more that are yet, to be discovered. There are a lot and more. These are just some example. We just chose to ignore our own most precious gems. Let's start from today and all of us. Please KI, if no one has the ability to do it, can you?

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh...! Theary please post new works. I like you but trying to get another credit for your old work is getting old.

Anonymous said...

Emma will have how many mistress, Theary ? :=)

Anonymous said...

Theary,
please don't underestimate khmer society. we all know that every society is not perfect. I know there are many people who are still dont know how to read and write. But I think education in cambodia is a lot better than 4o years or 70 years ago. how many schools the french built for khmer students? how many school sihanouk built for khmer? I saw a lot changes in cambodia. i met a girl from Germany who came to angkor wat and she told me that young people in cambodia could speak english and other languages. very fews speak english in bangkok. recently, a few of khmer student won medals for math olympics. great work!!!! cpp...

Anonymous said...

8:47 PM,
Are you trying to tell us readers that although Thai King is not a clean guy as he pretends he is, but his advice is good; and Ms Seng Theary's advice is also good no matter how cunning she is or how much she likes to brag about herself?
Darn it. I prefer to follow the real good people who can set good example to us to follow like a man named Dala Lama, Pope John Paul, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Aung and so on.

Anonymous said...

I don't think theary seng could fit into khmer society. what are trying to do to khmer people? before you do that, please go live in Lowell and try to change those khmer kids how to behave themself. khmer community in Lowell have not changed much for the past 20 years. theary, to preach those bastards. khmer cpp....

Anonymous said...

8:47,
don't dream. when you have no money, you can't win. Just like election in america. somdach hun sen is popular and has lots money...so i will win again and again...khmer cpp

Anonymous said...

Well, a lot of things are wrong in Cambodian/khmer society. Buddha's precepts taught buddhists not to steal, kill, or cheat and yet corruption is the biggest problem in Cambodia. About 90 percent of Cambodians are raised in Buddhist families, so why is corruption so widespread in khmer society?

Anonymous said...

Bhudhism is practicing only around the new year, Phisaak Bochea or Pchum ben. After that everybody went home and forgot about it. Bhuddism also isn't as strict or demanding like Islam or Christianity do. People does what they want, if they don't believe in it , they go to hell after life and people just don't really believe in it. They do what they want and if corruption making them happy that what it is.

Cambodian did not raise son and daughter to kill, but look at the Khmer Rouge. Whose son and daughter is that? Small in number, but very powerful and dangerous. When that happened no one can really stop it. The result was up to 2 millions death and may be more under these religousless men and women. In fact many monks themselves committed crime of killing. Look at Hochimonks of today. What did they do?, but go along with the flow of vietming's doctrine and more blood shed will continue. Do they care? Care of what?!

Anonymous said...

Is Theary Seng looking for a job or a husband?

Anonymous said...

I dont give a shit what y'all say, motherfuckers!!! All I want is american dick stuffed in my pussy!

Fuck you all,
Theary Seng

Anonymous said...

9:01am, There is always a rascal like you who uses profanity to satisfy your ego; what a retard!

Anonymous said...

“It has always been preferable to attribute a woman’s success to her beauty rather than to her brains, Stacy Schiff writes, adding: “Cleopatra unsettles more as sage than as seductress; it is less threatening to believe her fatally attractive than fatally intelligent.”

Weak men, jealous women do and say the stupid things.

Healthy people celebrate all good things and what a powerful combination: beauty and brain.