"I learned how to make teeny, tiny little origami boats that involved folding new crisp notes many times over."

Story Highlights

• Cassie learns to fold paper money into the shape of a boat for a ceremony
• She was initially confused by the folding of new, clean money into origami
• The boats are mixed with candy and sprinkled over people as a blessing

BATTAMBANG, Cambodia (CNN) -- Cassie Phillips is in Battambang, Cambodia, where she will be working with the NGO Homeland.

"I learned how to make teeny, tiny little origami boats that involved folding new crisp notes many times over."

Homeland is a Cambodian organization that works with local underprivileged children to give them some of the advantages they may have missed out on in their early life.

Cassie will be meeting and helping children from the region who have suffered from a range of afflictions. Keep up with her experiences in her blogs and video diaries.

December 17, 2007

Of the 100 riel notes in circulation, many are old, grimy and beginning to deteriorate. On occasion I'll come across a brand new, crisp white note that greatly contrasts with the usual limp, discolored brown notes I collect in my change purse.

While money is often dirty and gross, the creases, tears, and stains of a bill tell many stories about people and places.

In preparation for a ceremony at the pagoda, I was helping arrange flowers and fold 100 riel notes into little boats. I learned how to make teeny, tiny little origami boats that involved folding new crisp notes many times over. Watch a video of origami with 100 riel notes »

As we were slowly making our way through the stack, I noticed there were many bystanders observing our little operation, perhaps thinking the same thing I was: why are we folding up brand-new money?

At the time I didn't know what was going to happen with the boats, as I felt it was a bit silly to be folding new, clean money into origami when there were people everywhere who were in real need.

Later, I asked someone what happened to the little boats. I was told that during the prayers at the pagodas the monks sprinkle water over the people, and the boats were made to mix with candy for the monks to sprinkle over the people as a blessing.

I was glad to learn the money was given away in the end. And now when I see a note that seems excessively folded and falling apart I have a better idea of how it may have come to be that way.

Ever-present reminders

Story Highlights

• Cassie has made friends with her neighbors, one of whom is a married woman
• Her marriage was one of many forced by the oppressive Khmer Rouge regime
• Cambodian society has been greatly influenced by the period of Khmer Rouge rule

By Cassie Phillips for CNN

BATTAMBANG, Cambodia (CNN) -- Cassie Phillips is in Battambang, Cambodia, where she will be working with the NGO Homeland.

Homeland is a Cambodian organization that works with local underprivileged children to give them some of the advantages they may have missed out on in their early life.

Cassie will be meeting and helping children from the region who have suffered from a range of afflictions. Keep up with her experiences in her blogs and video diaries.

November 13, 2007

As I've been getting to know my neighbors better, I've slowly begun to piece together more about their personal histories.

One of my neighbors is a kind woman who enjoys talking with me in a broken Khmer/English exchange. She lives in a house with her children and husband. However, I've noticed that she does not speak or interact with her husband. In fact, she told me she doesn't talk to him at all any more and that he's taken another wife in another province. Not wanting to pry, I've never asked why.

One afternoon, my friend came to visit. She showed my neighbor and me the traditional Khmer photos she recently had done at one of the many costume and photography shops in town.

Normally, Khmer have this type of photography done when they are getting married or for other special occasions. At the shop they dress you up from head to toe in gowns, wedding dresses or whatever traditional style clothing you want, complete with jewelry and makeup. Then, through the magic of Photoshop, you can be inserted into any background scene you desire. All in all, it makes for some sa-aat nah (very beautiful) photographs.

As we were looking over the photos, my neighbor suggested I should go to get some taken. The photos clearly impressed her, so I asked her why she didn't have any of her wedding. She explained there were no photos taken at her wedding and naturally I asked why not. Instantly the smile on her face faded and in a serious tone, she recounted her wedding as just a handshake in a group of 15 couples. Grim smiles were on everyone's faces as I realized she had had a forced marriage under the Khmer Rouge.

Within a 10-second period, what had been a light-hearted conversation filled with laughter became a serious and uncomfortable silence haunted by memories.

Though it's not often discussed, the Khmer Rouge explains so much about the current cultural reality. Families were systematically separated for purposes of control and domination, and many young people were forced into assigned marriages where they would wed, en masse, with the shake of a hand.

I realized that the man my neighbor calls her husband was nothing more than a stranger she was forced to marry some 28 years ago. They had children and became a family, so they still live together, but their history explains a lot about why things have not worked out between the two of them.

My neighbor's story is a not-so-subtle reminder that the legacy of the Khmer Rouge still touches every aspect of the Cambodia I experience today.

When I came to Cambodia I didn't know what to expect with regard to the impact of the Khmer Rouge. However, I did anticipate a noticeable and disproportionate population distribution between generations, given that approximately one quarter of the population was killed during the regime. But I was surprised at the number of older people I saw and realized that I had misjudged how small 25 percent of the population would have been.

In my first weeks here, whenever I saw someone who looked over the age of 40, I would reflect about what they might have experienced during the war as I studied the creases in their faces.

As a tourist, it is difficult to lose sight of the ubiquitous memory of the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia. Whether it's visiting the many killing fields and shrines throughout the country, spotting frequent prosthetic limbs, or seeing people sell memoirs and novels detailing Khmer Rouge atrocities at tourist hot spots, it is never too long before the next reminder. Indeed, it is difficult to ignore any part of this history and reality of Cambodia.

However, as an expatriate living in this country, the history and relevance of the Khmer Rouge is not as prominent on a daily basis. At times it is easy to neglect this past as one of the major forces shaping the status quo.

But it seems that every time I lose pulse of the implications of the war, a story or place will revive my understanding that the Khmer Rouge is far from history in Cambodia -- it lives on in the hearts and faces of all who survived.

A strange walk on the beach

"It wasn't until I visited the beach at Sihanoukville that I observed such open and widely accepted behavior that would suggest prostitution was a big industry at the beach."

Story Highlights

• Cassie hasn't seen many of the social problems she believes affect Cambodia
• Issues like human trafficking and landmines rarely discussed with foreigners
• Cassie witnessed an odd couple at the beach -- she suspected prostitution

By Cassie Phillips

BATTAMBANG, Cambodia (CNN) -- Cassie Phillips is in Battambang, Cambodia, where she will be working with the NGO Homeland.

Homeland is a Cambodian organization that works with local underprivileged children to give them some of the advantages they may have missed out on in their early life.

Cassie will be meeting and helping children from the region who have suffered from a range of afflictions. Keep up with her experiences in her blogs and video diaries.

October 15, 2007
Cambodia is a country afflicted with a number of pressing social issues, including landmines, human trafficking, malnourishment, drugs and poverty. As a resident of Battambang, I have, thankfully, not personally seen or witnessed many of these dangers.

While I do not doubt that they exist, it is difficult to grasp just how widespread or endemic they are. This is partly because I'm not able to effectively communicate with the majority of Khmer and partly because these topics are not always candidly discussed with foreigners.

It wasn't until I visited the beach at Sihanoukville that I observed such open and widely accepted behavior that would suggest prostitution was a big industry at the beach. For the first time I saw many suspect couples, mostly consisting of an older foreign man and a younger Khmer woman.

One morning while taking a stroll along the beach, I noticed a much older white man with long, wispy white hair and a greased up pot belly in neon green swimming trunks sitting next to a Khmer woman, who could have easily been my age. I immediately assumed this woman was a prostitute. Granted, I did not see her engage in sexual activity for money.

Later the same day, as I was sitting on the beach, I saw the very same couple walking on the beach. They were walking at a clip too fast to be considered a leisurely stroll.

The whole scene was uncomfortable to watch, as the man walked slightly in front of the woman. He was holding her by the wrist, her hand falling limp towards the ground exaggerated by her taught arm being pulled along by his brisk pace.

The man didn't appear to be mad, rather his expression seemed bothered. The woman maintained a placid, numb look on her face. It was hardly the picture of a consensual couple walking the beach. Once they reached the rocks, they turned and headed back.

Seeing this made me feel sick to my stomach. Anyone could see how unhappy the woman was, even the old man tugging her along.

I cannot understand why the old man would want to drag the woman up and down the beach for everyone to see. It was as if he felt his actions were perfectly acceptable and would not cause alarm. Aside from my personal discomfort with the scene, I'm not sure he was upsetting anyone.

To be honest, I'm not sure what bothered me more -- seeing the woman demean herself, seeing this foreign man use his money and power to behave in a way that he probably cannot in his own country, or the general lack of social hostility towards the couple.

Whether or not the woman freely chose to accompany this man, I always wonder how powerful economic forces weighed in her decision and if we can then judge that as free will. Prostitution is illegal in Cambodia, but largely goes unchecked.

Pretty in pink

"As a woman, I never feel discouraged from playing sports or going out for drinks on the weekend. This is in large part because I am a foreigner."

Fri October 5, 2007
By Cassie Phillips for CNN

Story Highlights

• The dress code in Cambodia is very different to that which Cassie had expected
• Pink is a popular color with Cambodian men and women tend to cover up
• Men play sports while women refrain, although Cassie plays football

BATTAMBANG, Cambodia (CNN) -- From my table at work, I have a partial view of the courtyard through the window and the double doors to the right. This allows me to gaze out and watch the kids playing during the day when I tire from work.

"As a woman, I never feel discouraged from playing sports or going out for drinks on the weekend. This is in large part because I am a foreigner."

Despite finding the weather to be incredibly hot, I still observe office dress code and wear longer pants and skirts everyday.

In my first week of work I learned all of the kids at Homeland have their own clothes and are responsible for washing them. The kids run around in any assortment of pants, shorts, jeans and T-shirts. One boy in particular always catches my eye when he wears his pink bubble gum colored shirt and soccer shorts. I often find myself envious of his soccer shorts and irritated by his pink shirt.

The type of clothing worn by Khmer sometimes surprises me. Pajamas are commonly worn as daytime apparel, be it silky flowered pink pajamas for boys at play or patterned cotton matching sets for women. Men at work often sport traditional komars (short wraparound skirts) and bare chests.

The more I learn about social customs, I see how gender dictates both the actions and dress of men and women. Generally, women show the least amount of skin while men can show quite a bit without fear of scorn.

Children are free to roam the streets naked until late toddlerhood and beyond in some places.

I've recently learned colors do not have the same meaning as they do in the United States. Nonetheless, pink shirts on men remain the most striking and interesting to me as an American woman living in Cambodia.

As I've come to understand the color pink in the American context, it hasn't been until fairly recently that the color pink was liberated from its gender assigned designation to women.

I understand that a man wearing pink in Cambodia does not carry the same social meaning as it does in the United States. However, every time I see a man in pink, it brings into focus the tension I feel my gender creates as I negotiate the prescribed role of women in Cambodia.

Despite foreign women having a larger degree of acceptable social behaviors, I try to stay attuned to the roles Cambodian women fill. As such, I am acutely aware that I am a woman in Cambodia. This awareness comes from my consciousness of needing to go home when it starts to get dark if I am alone, to finding very few outlets for women to have fun, especially when considering their male counterparts.

I see men playing football or doing other team sports everywhere. However, I have never seen a woman playing. When I ask about it, I'm told, "girls don't play sports because it's too hard to teach them". Nevertheless, when I ask to join in games, men are very responsive and welcoming.

As a woman, I never feel discouraged from playing sports or going out for drinks on the weekend. This is in large part because I am a foreigner. At the same time, I note that local women never partake in these activities.

It seems that Khmer women understand very well that they are to stick to what women always do and not try new things.

Not wanting to believe that women do not feel restricted by these narrow roles, I continue to ask women if they are interested in learning to play sports or try something new over the weekend. It seems the women I meet know that they are to go to school, take care of siblings and stay inside when it gets dark. While some may express some interest in trying something out of the ordinary, they would never act upon it.

To their credit, all of the women I know are very busy all the time. It's as if free time does not exist for many women in Cambodia. However, even when women do have free time, they seem content not exploring new and different social activities.

I do not expect women in Cambodia to behave the same as men, however I'm shocked by their compliance with traditionally determined acceptable social behavior.

Still, I can't help but think if these women had role models or examples of women who dared not to conform they might try new things.

Not wanting to completely cast social order aside, I feel I have the opportunity to communicate a different story about women through my actions. For example, I still want to respect Cambodian culture, but also challenge myself and others to better understand this culture.

Perhaps I will never wear shorts to work, but I might join in a game of football and show how a woman can still be a woman and be athletic. In time, I would like to earn social approval as a woman but also suggest to those around me that women can still be respectable and do something different.

Cassie Phillips: "I live in a place where it is normal and almost expected for children and adults to approach you with outstretched hands"

"I live in a place where it is normal and almost expected for children and adults to approach you with outstretched hands."

Practicing what you preach

Story Highlights

• Cassie is experiencing a surprising number of beggars on the streets
• As a foreigner she is targeted over the local Cambodians
• She finds it hard to say no to beggars, but can't say yes to everyone

By Cassie Phillips

BATTAMBANG, Cambodia (CNN) -- Cassie Phillips is in Battambang, Cambodia, where she will be working with the NGO Homeland.

Homeland is a Cambodian organization that works with local underprivileged children to give them some of the advantages they may have missed out on in their early life.

Cassie will be meeting and helping children from the region who have suffered from a range of afflictions. Keep up with her experiences in her blogs and video diaries.

October 2, 2007

Within my first hour in Cambodia, I identified a challenge that I am still struggling with -- beggars.

In the past I've rarely given money to people begging on the streets. I've always thought the poor in the United States have alternatives to begging. However, the widespread prevalence and context of begging in Cambodia forces me to reconsider my beliefs and actions.

Never before have people sought me out to beg like they do in Cambodia. As a foreigner, people assume I have money.

I live in a place where it is normal and almost expected for children and adults to approach you with outstretched hands. Some will ask for money while others mime putting food in their mouths. While begging has become commonplace for me, I still feel very conflicted about my role.

On the one hand I can give money. However, I'm not sure where the money will end up. Furthermore, I don't necessarily have the budget to sustain all the beggars I encounter. I recognize the urgency of hunger and the need for cash. However, I'm bothered by a lack of resolution to any long term problem and ultimate perpetuation of the beggar's circumstance.

On the other hand I could give food. I should make a habit of carrying crackers or something with me. Of course, there's always the problem that if you give one child something, you have to give every child something, as I learned in Siem Reap. After buying one little boy a sandwich, it seemed two more girls appeared at the next corner asking for something as well. In my experience it isn't possible to say yes to everyone.

To console my conflicted conscience, I often reason that the work I do everyday, dealing with orphans and vulnerable children, somehow absolves me from any obligation to beggars. Even as I write that, I know it is a copout. After all, the same kids who beg from me on the street could easily come to live at Homeland next month. Why should I treat them differently if they are living on the street or living at Homeland?

At the moment, I am very unresolved in my stance. This has led to inaction, which makes me equally discontent. As I sort through these contradictions, I look to the practices of others. In observing people's everyday practices, I catch glimpses of what working with orphans and vulnerable children looks like off the clock.

Among Cambodians, I've seen a variety of responses. Usually, if I'm in the vicinity, as the foreigner, a beggar will concentrate his or her energies on me instead of everyone else. Sometimes it seems beggars do not even bother inquiring to other Cambodians. Part of this is because one's neighbor isn't much better off. At other times, I do see fellow Cambodians dig into their pockets and give away a few hundred riel (about 5 cents).

Among foreigners, there seems to be a wide spectrum of responses. Some are surprisingly and unnecessarily stingy, refusing to even acknowledge the presence of a beggar. Others are exceedingly generous with their dollars.

I have a friend who will be in mid-bite and, without hesitation, offer whatever he is eating to someone on the street. The funny thing is, many people are not interested in what he is eating. Perhaps they do not like the type of food? Perhaps they would prefer not to eat someone's seconds? Either way, in his act of generosity people often turn him down allowing him to continue to munch away.

As idealistic as it sounds, I would much prefer imparting a skill or some lasting mechanism of social mobility to those I encounter in lieu of petty cash. Unfortunately, I don't know of any aside from cooperatively practicing English with any and every person who seeks me out.

In a country where 40 percent of the population lives below the poverty line, perhaps the best we can do is take what we have and share, be it cash, food or information. Somehow, that never works out to be enough.

Cassie's Blog: Covering up in Cambodia

"Since I've been here, I really haven't been able to communicate with the majority of people orally."

By Cassie Phillips for CNN

BATTAMBANG, Cambodia (CNN) -- Cassie Phillips is in Battambang, Cambodia, where she will be working with the NGO Homeland.

"Since I've been here, I really haven't been able to communicate with the majority of people orally."

Homeland is a Cambodian organization that works with local underprivileged children to give them some of the advantages they may have missed out on in their early life.

Cassie will be meeting and helping children from the region who have suffered from a range of afflictions. Keep up with her experiences in her blogs and video diaries.

September 25, 2007

I managed to stay awake long enough to take in so many new sights it exhausted me to the point of passing out for the rest of the trip.

Some of what I saw included lush rice fields, small thatched houses on stilts, and red dirt roads filled with people. There were people in cars, on motos and bicycles -- riding two to four people each -- and on foot carrying different types of goods. As we left the city, the road became less crowded and the scenery more green.

I awoke when the bus pulled into a rest station. Not hungry, I asked for the bathroom. To my surprise, the toilet, or lack thereof, was a porcelain sink-like bowl in the ground with a bucket of water next to it. To be honest, this caught me off guard. Too embarrassed to ask my male friend how to use the bathroom, I closed the door and sorted it out myself.

Since arriving in Battambang two weeks ago, three observations come to mind. First, communication is more than oral exchanges. In fact, since I've been here, I really haven't been able to communicate with the majority of people orally.

At first, not being able to talk, ask questions, and share stories was frustrating. However, I would say it's a blessing not being able to communicate with people at first because it really allows you to take things in and observe people. I often think people just talk to talk. That is, fill awkward moments of silence or over stimulate one another with meaningless words.

I enjoy the degree of anonymity I have when people trust I cannot speak the language. For example, at work, if I quietly sit in the office, after a while, people forget I'm there and carry on almost as if I am not present. I feel as if I see how people truly interact.

I can figure out quite a bit even though I do not understand what they say. However, I think as I learn more Khmer, people will tailor their behavior, as they know I can understand what is said.

Second, the legacy of European colonialism permeates beauty standards in Cambodia.

Before I came, I was encouraged to observe the cultural dress of women in Cambodia. So when I packed, I made sure to leave my short shorts and tube tops at home. However, I was very disappointed to see the women here always wear pants or long skirts and long sleeves for the most part. Primarily, I did not understand how it wasn't hot for them, especially since most of the kids wear shorts and tank tops.

At first, I thought dressing conservatively was part of the modest role women are expected to fill. Then I realized that covering yourself also protects against all sorts of bug bites and sunburn. This made me happy to cover myself despite how hot it made me.

However, after speaking with a friend, I realized there is yet a third and perhaps supremely important reason for covering up. As she was slipping on her elbow length purple gloves over her long sleeve sweater, while I rolled the sleeves up on my shirtsleeves and wiped sweat from my brow, she told me she wore the gloves so she wouldn't get dark. Many times I heard her comment, "I don't want to be dark."

As a brown person in the United States, I'm attuned to understanding skin color in a racial hierarchy. In my short time here, many people have commented to me that I am "dark like Khmer" as they tap my arm. However, I am never sure if they are paying me a compliment or not. After all, I've seen Khmer of just about every skin tone.

Similarly, I was told that many Khmer envy white foreigners for their big (pointed) noses. These commentaries reflect the French colonization of Cambodia and its influence on beauty standards. Accordingly, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with covering up, but the present dengue epidemic is reason enough for me.

Finally, it feels as if everywhere I go I'm surrounded by smiling faces. Actually, everywhere I go I manage to catch the attention of the majority of people for some period of time.

Normally, the constant stares I receive would become infuriating at some point. No one likes to feel as if they are a freak. However, what makes the stares bearable are the warm smiles that follow, if you just take the time to catch someone's eye and smile at them.

I have daily memories of warm faces and toothless grins which always outshine the blank stares they begin as. The ease at which people are willing to crack a smile in Cambodia highlights the positive energy that abounds and friendly demeanor of Khmer culture.

CNN helps grad help Cambodians

9/24/07
By: Sam Choe
The Chronicle (Duke University, North Caroline, USA)

How do you make a difference in the lives of disadvantaged people? To Cassie Phillips, it means to go live with them and work for a change.

Chosen to be part of the CNN initiative "Be the Change," Phillips, Trinity '07, is currently working in Battambang, Cambodia, volunteering with nonprofit organization Homeland to aid downtrodden Cambodian children, including victims of abuse, the sex trade and HIV.

"Be the Change" is a CNN project about a group of volunteers who are trying to help people around the world through social action. The network has equipped six selected volunteers with cameras and laptops.

The subjects' blog and video posts about their experiences helping people around the world are available on the project's Web site. The project went live this month and will last one year.

"I didn't really know much about the program or other participants when I agreed to participate," Phillip wrote in an e-mail from Battambang. "Because it's a new project, I expect it will morph and change as the year goes on."

The goal of "Be the Change" is to inform people what volunteers go through when working in foreign countries.

"It's a project that involves six fairly young people-young, technologically savvy people, who are going off to various projects throughout the world to help out people and communities," David Lindsey, the project's producer, said.

Through the initiative, the volunteers are expected to file blogs and video diaries regularly about how they are adjusting in foreign countries, how their projects are progressing, what kinds of people they are meeting and what they are feeling for one year in their designated areas.

It was the Sanford Institute for Public Policy's Hart Leadership Program that connected Phillips with "Be the Change."

"We started with a long list of organizations that we thought may fit the bill," Lindsey said. "We narrowed it down and narrowed it down, and the Hart Leadership Program became one of the top organizations we were interested in."

During her time at Duke, Phillips was active in the Center for Race Relations as an assistant director for Common Ground and as codirector of the Peer Facilitation Training Program.

A seasoned traveler, Phillips spent a summer studying in Spain and traveled to Argentina, Brazil, Paraguay and Uruguay. She also volunteered at the Leave a Little Room Foundation in Gulu, Uganda while she was an undergraduate.

Seema Parkash, Trinity '06, the Hart Fellows Program coordinator, wrote in an e-mail that Phillips is a very thoughtful person.

"Her involvement in 'Be the Change' precipitated deep reflection on how to be true to the authenticity of her experiences without violating the privacy of her subjects, even before she left for Cambodia," Parkash said.

She added that Phillips has an ability to be honest, with herself and to others, about her shortcomings and fears.

"Cassie's thoughtfulness and honesty serve her well in her constant striving to learn and grow, particularly when she is outside of her comfort zone," Parkash said.

Phillips said taking part in "Be the Change" has been a new experience for her that made her uncomfortable at times.

"I was not entirely comfortable with the camera myself when I started and I'm still working on that," she said. "So it's been a slow process of trying different things and learning about how the camera affects me and the people I'm with."Her thoughtfulness and honesty have been useful for viewers as well.

"She's experiencing some things she has never experienced before," Lindsey said. "And we can watch her do it."